Moonlight Parable
by Nuriko Kamaiji
Summary: Memories aren't always a blessing, especially when old feelings are reawakened. In this reborn world, they live lives without remembering completely and are content. But a white wolf is still searching...[COMPLETE]
1. what's in a name?

Moonlight Parable

By: Nuriko Kamaiji

**Disclaimer**: No I don't own Wolf's Rain, and no I'm not getting anything out of this.

**A/N**: Honestly, this is more of my bad attempt at writing Wolf's Rain related fanfic. It just came to me one night and I went on a writing spree. I've got the whole thing planned out, though the chance that I'll ever finish it is unlikely. This is the most I have written in a fluid format, plot-wise. Anyway, it's just randomness and I'm sure I won't get any reviews. Ah, me…

* * *

what's in a name?

_"the future couldn't last, nailed it to the past_

_with every word a trap that no one can take back from all the architects who find their towers leaning"_

-This Isn't What We Meant (Savatage)

"Tsume"

Emma called the name as she always did. The night sky outside was dark blue, a deep shade of midnight ink. White blinds obscured the sight of the stars.

The name resounded in her head again, pulling at her heart though she had never heard it before. It was a name unknown to her.

"Tsume"

And just as suddenly she knew she should return back to bed. The glow from her tiny lamp only amplified this point; the rest of the house was clearly dark and asleep just as she should be. And yet…her reason struggled to win. It was a Sunday night, and tomorrow was Monday, not that it made much difference to her. Her elder brother was returning back to school the next morning, taking their sister with him since they went to the same school. Rachel, her sister, had not been pleased about the application, but it was a prestigious school and would be easy to get a transfer. That's what Rachel had told her the months before she had gone away to college. But it was taking her sister longer to adjust then anyone had perceived. But if her sister was having a slight difficulty in getting out into the world, she was having a horrid time of it.

No college had accepted her applications, though really she hadn't been too disappointed. College had not been the first thing on her mind. First, she had wanted to feel ready, more prepared to take on the outside world. But more importantly, she had wanted to keep writing. She had wanted to have the free time to herself.

At the time the choice had seemed splendid. Be free, write when she wanted, do as she wished. But, as things inadvertly do, it did not turn out quite that way.

She had ended up feeling more alone than free, more trapped than sure of herself. Even her words did not seem to come as well. It seemed as though everyone was moving on, and moving out into the world ready with plans. All right, shaky plans at best but still a cloudy road to follow for a little while. She had none, no direction, no where to turn to, and nobody to confide in.

That's when the naming had started.

Without warning an unusual name would dance its way into her head, unbidden.

The first week or so the name had prominently been 'Hige'. She kept a record of it in her journal.

It was a yellow name and filled her with unforeseen warmth, a feeling she had never felt, as far as she could remember. The name had rolled in her head fluidly, reminding her of sunlight. Yet in spite of that, the name had carried with it a resonance of deep sadness.

The next name had been Toboe, a bright red warmth. Like a dazzling red flower, was how she had thought of it. Something beautiful and sweet but determined to show its worth by shining in such a brilliant way. But the name was red, so red…almost like blood.

The third name had been Blue, a peculiar name and uncommonly dark. It was the blue of nighttime, like outside her window, that the name seemed to imply. A solemn, quiet name, always watching over you, always beside you, always surrounding you, just like a peaceful night. With it the name had brought a dull pain to her chest, as though there were tears locked inside her that she didn't know how to shed.

But this was the fourth name that had come to her since. Tsume. It almost reverberated in her blood, if such a thing was possible. Cool, distant, and gray, almost misty with cloudy shade covering a soft green spot, untouchable as it hovered before her mind. Tsume.

These were more than words, there was something more to them, and she knew that as clearly as she knew she was breathing. And yet…

She had no time for this seeming fantasy, despite what her heart, her instincts and her mind was telling her. These names beseeched something inside, begging to be heard. But for the life of her she didn't know what it was. She was only an eighteen year old girl. She had barely lived at all. What in the world did she know about anything?

Sighing, she struggled back into bed pushing the emotional resistance away, turning the small reading lamp off.

The darkness sunk around her, complete and all consuming until her eyes adjusted. Staring up at the ceiling for a long, long time, she heard the name running through her mind, a name of cool softness, smooth and comforting, as it echoed in her mind.

* * *

"You'll be late!"

The panicked voice of her mother did nothing to calm her racing pulse. She had over slept, of all the absurdities. If there was something she didn't need it was that. Emma's job at the Jolly Donuts store, twenty blocks from her parents' house, was all she had going in terms of work, much as she disliked it. But she kept at it, if only for the sake of her parents and the path she felt she should be leading regardless of her feelings.

"Emma, you–"

But she never had the chance to hear the words her mother had wished to say, as she banged out the side door leading into the garage, her warm winter coat still dangling at her elbows. Hurrying, Emma fumbled for the car keys, dropping them in the process from her cold fingers. Groaning softly, she pulled the red and white coat up tight and bent swiftly plucking the aggravating keys up.

Apparently luck was still hanging in on her side, for within a short while the old Toyota that her mother allowed for her to use, however sparingly, since getting her own was out of the question, opened without to much hassle.

She arrived only ten minutes late. Hoping her luck held, there was a slim chance no one would notice. Silently Emma crossed her fingers.

Upon entering she noted the small line, and then slid back behind the counter to the employee storage room. _What a weird name…_the thought crossed her mind. The air was stuffy as usual. Without much ceremony, she decked her coat and made her way back out to the front counter.

Now here was an interesting thing. One would think that such things as this would fuel her writing and her personal growth toward maturity. But somehow it only held her back though there were no more paths for her to take. A sigh of dejection escaped her.

"Chez!"

The surly face of her co-worker, Raphael jolted her out of her weary daydream.

"You're late, you know."

"Hardly, Raph."

"Ya can't keep doing this. Mr. Stillwater won't like it."

"Not if you don't tell him."

Batting her eyes across at Raphael, she gave him one of her cutest look-at-me-don't-you-love- me pouts

Raphael groaned rubbing a dark brown hand against his forehead in mock annoyance.

"Ya got me, Chez. Anything for a cutie like you." He gave her one of his lopsided grins, his teeth strikingly white against his skin.

Realizing they were wasting more time on their silly banter than their own customers, she gave Raphael a sharp nudge and got to work.

It was only after ten a.m, but it seemed later with the slow flow of people. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary though. Ms. Cottonwood dropped by for her latte. Hectic Mrs. Thomas flusteredly ordered her standard two dozen, with coconut, jelly-filled and glazed. The small band of high school 'skippers' dropped by as usual at the half hour mark.

As they entered, jostling and laughing, it took her a moment to notice the new one with them.

He stood a ways from the others, as if ill at ease around them. From the dark leather of his clothes to the vibrantly bleached shade of his mostly short cropped hair, he was clearly a guy who made his own rules.

She couldn't help but stare. Noticing her avid attention, to her bewilderment, he strolled nonchantly up to the counter. His thumbs were hooked into his pockets, melding with the flow of his gait that simply oozed lively but untouchable charm.

_Like something surrounded in gray mist..._ The brief thought bounced through her racing mind, but she never had a chance to look further into it.

He stood there in front of the counter impassively, remote, cold and faraway. Though somehow she felt that wasn't really how he was. Up close she thought he looked older than the high school students, maybe even older than her. From this close as well, she made a note of the dark pair of sunglasses peeping out from the front pocket of his jacket and the odd earrings he wore. On one ear it hung in a rectangular form, dangling loosely, while on the other it was only a bronze stub, but the back looked piercingly sharp.

Her head tilted slightly as she continued to stare.

A nudge from Raphael brought her back to the present.

"Hey, Chez." He was grinning widely at her, his smirk irritatingly self-amused.

She glared at him even as she felt the rush to cheeks.

_Oh perfect, just want I need!_

Clearing her throat self-consciously, she asked, mustering as much normalcy as she could salvage, "Sorry 'bout that. Have you decided what you want to order?"

Instead of asking for something, anything, he asked in a quiet but deep voice, "Do you really expect me to believe your name is 'Chez'?"

Blinking rapidly, it took her a moment to grasp what this strange man was saying.

"Of course not," she snorted indignantly. "My name's Emma. Emma Starr."

"It's a nickname of mine." Raphael piped up from down the counter as he helped another customer. He had a bad sense of priority, Emma decided. "It's a shortened form of Cheza. Just a name I thought suited her since she always seems likes she's dancing, standing on her toes, and always being so playful."

"Yeah, yeah, that's enough there Raph." She shot him a look telling him to keep his mouth shut. She hated when he did that, since all it ever did was alienate people. Turning back to the strange leather clad man who had began this whole problem, she found him staring at her with an intensity that unsettled her.

"Cheza."

When he said the word in his deep voice, a soft gravely tone, it sounded different to her ears. As if it had a deeper meaning, as if something deep within in her was beginning to grow.

Abruptly she shoved the feelings aside. This was no time to be getting weird.

"Yes. And what's _your _name, since you seem so interested?"

The strange man watched her unblinking, while she had a momentary fear that she had somehow offended him in some way, when his voice broke through the haze in her mind.

"Tsume. You can call me Tsume."

"Tsume?" she squeaked. Her heat was racing again but this time it was not from panic at being late.

"Yes. That's what I said," pausing his head cocked to the side, "Cheza."

* * *

The sunset was beautiful. Crimson-orange streaks seeping in the western sky, somehow lighting the eastern sky a pale pink, a rich shade like a blooming flower. A flower? The phrasing stuck in her mind and with it, a tingling to her nose. 

Her neck ached. Pulling her scarf tighter she attempted to ward off the disturbing feeling of blood beating in her veins. She could almost feel them, vibrant and warm, the life flow pulsating in her delicate neck. The fragility of her pale, mean existence beat down on her as well, threatening to overpower the beauty of the sunset.

Shaking her head she leapt from the watch tower. Her legs were still shaking as she landed.

It wasn't really much of a watch tower, simply an old oak tree with knotted branches reaching toward the sky overhead. When she had been younger, she had wished to believe that there was someone sleeping within its hollow space, waiting to be awakened. She still wasn't sure where such a positive assertion had come from, other than the funny bump that rose out of the tree's eastern side. It bended in a strange way, almost bent in half, slightly reminisive of a sleeping form curled up. But Katherine Winterhart was now much too old to think such silly thoughts. _Besides, _she mused to herself with a smile, _even if the bump is nothing the tree is still hollow, so really there's no telling what's in there._

With a ceremonial wave, she raced through the swaying grasses and pass the stalks of wheat and corn to the brightly lit farmhouse of her Aunt Susan and Uncle Albert.

The serenity of the night was rapidly washed away in the loud, noisome clutter.

Michael was sitting just inside the front hall, the narrow part that lead into the wider end, his mess of trains and tracks taking up the space of a clear entrance.

Expertly, Kathy leapt over her brother's handiwork, arching upward on her toes as far as she could to avoid as much damage as possible. The eight-year-old grinned at her, and she gave him a brief wave. He was a sweet kid, but so involved in his own interests that sometimes he seemed to miss out, drawing inward more and more recently.

A bombardment of flying missiles, craftily camouflaged as pipe cleaners, rained down on her from the above stair railing when she strolled into the open end of the front hall. A green one jabbed in the shoulder. In mute horror she collapsed on the living room's partially carpeted floor, opening from the left side of the front hall, wincing in pretend pain. The yells and hollers of her twin brothers only grew louder as she played along.

From the corner of her eye she saw her cousin Roger sitting forlornly in the kitchen. At least he looked forlorn to her. His usually bright eyes were staring in dull distraction out the large pane of windows that nearly made up one whole wall of the kitchen.

Dragging herself across the carpet, she got a few more missiles thrown at her, most of them sticking to her back, followed by hoots of laughter.

Once safely inside the Sanctuary, as she often thought of it, she tapped Roger gently on the shoulder.

"Huh? Oh, Blue it's you." His face was cringed up in a sheepish expression under his auburn hair as it curled around his face. Large eyes wouldn't meet with hers as she sat down beside him at the kitchen table.

It was a nice table, made of a hard wood and smoothed until it was as sleek as stone. The table was plain but stylistically charming in its simplicity. Their Aunt had always insisted on covering the table when her nephews and niece came to visit. A visit Auntie always loved for the lack of children that had come to her and Uncle Albert, despite how young they both still were. Blue had never entirely understood it, but she assumed it was a more grown up matter and certainly wasn't in any hurry to worry about it.

When she had used to come, back when she had been younger, she had always picked out the cerulean blue tablecloth because it brought out the color of her eyes, and so the name had stuck.

"What's on your mind, Roger?"

"It's…nothing."

"From the look on your face, it's not 'nothing'."

He still couldn't meet her gaze.

"But that's just it Blue – it _really _isn't anything. Just a feeling, I guess."

"A feeling?" Noticing the plate of cookies Auntie had left in the middle of the table, she helped herself to a few. Through her munching she asked, "What kind of feeling do you mean?"

"A happy one." His eyes grew thoughtful, unwittingly making contact. "But sad somehow, too."

She nodded. Offering him one of her hand-picked cookies, Roger simply shook his head.

"Do you know what triggered it?"

He shook his head again. "No. But sometimes I get this pain in my chest, right under my heart, and I can't help but feeling sad."

Shivering despite the warmth of the room, Blue felt a jab of ice shoot up her back, putting a chilling pressure on her throat. His words unnerved her, almost as if she wished he wouldn't say them.

Her cousin had surprisingly brightened now, the sadness seeming to leak off.

"It's not always bad like that. Sometimes it's just a nice feeling. I'm not sure how to explain it." Tapping a finger to his lips, his thoughtfulness was interrupted by a mewing yowl of feisty recognition.

Without warning the tiny kitten bounded onto the blue tabletop. Purring gently the white Snowdrop butted her small head into Roger's cheek. He laughed, seeming to forget what he had been saying as he pulled the kitten into his lap.

Whatever he was trying to say has clearly slipped his mind. Blue did not entirely mind and smiled as he played with Snowdrop, chewing as she watched.

Deep down, she knew the feeling he meant, or she thought she did. It was a feeling like running for hours, completely winded but never being tired. Somewhere free where there's lots of room to run, and run forever as the stars leap to the sky. A warm quickening in her blood, a need, a desire, a kind of wild freedom that's as natural as breathing or singing is. But every now and then the feeling brings back with it the ache beating in her throat.


	2. finding cloud 9 :part 1

**Disclaimer**: Same as before

**A/N**: Well here's chapter two. I've come to realize, as I write more of this, that it's very much _not _the kind of 'Wolf's Rain' fanfic I would write. Also, er…it has become very _personal _to me. You could say I've put a lot of myself into it. If I'm lucky I'll get at least two more reviews (that would calculate to about…2 reviews x 5 chapter…at the maximum 10 reviews. Wouldn't that be something? Doubt it'll happen but I'm still doing this. Aaah me.) Chapter three might be a long time in the making…and I'll end it there.

End of chapter is dedicated to twinny-chan! (which is in the second part)

* * *

finding cloud 9

_"a long time ago when the world was pretty, standing right here in a different city_

_I'm not coming back anymore"_

-This Isn't What We Meant (Savatage)

It was a surprisingly fresh day out, cold but clear, even this late in February. The brightness of the blazing sun overhead had him almost doubt the prediction of the groundhog, about a week ago. But any nagging doubt in his mind was washed clean away the instant he stepped outside. The chilly air certainly felt like winter despite what it looked like outside.

Right now, and luckily in his mind, he was inside at the moment.

His face was eyeing the rolls of soup cans in the brightly lit aisle of the town grocery store, wondering again why it was they needed so many. And if they _had _to get the same soups every time, they could at _least _get something with a little bit more flavor. But oh, no, Stephen would never go for that. Practically and tradition all the way, if nothing at all. Regretfully eyeing the Mexican spicy seasoned bean soup, he sighed dejectedly grapping the handful of other, most "reasonable" soups that his brother always insisted on.

It took a moment to juggle them all, and for that brief moment, Matthew Jackson feared he would lose all four of them. But by a strike of luck, and probably good balance he liked to think, he kept them from falling to the titled floor. As he grinned self-satisfied with himself, his eyes caught on to a dark clothed form walking pass the back end of the aisle.

He was instantly enthralled. Struck mostly by her vivacious blue eyes, he stared a moment, taking in her long legs with tall dark boots and red scarf clasped tightly around her throat. After a short debate with himself, he rushed out after her.

"Hey there!"

She spun around slowly, head peering behind her in disdained surprise.

_Now that's something I'm use to, _he couldn't help but laugh silently to himself.

Catching up to her, he was about to offer her his hand, but then remembering their full status smiled instead.

"Are you new here? I don't think I've seen you around before."

Her blue eyes regarded him balefully, trailing up and down his perhaps somewhat shabby appearance. Apparently finding nothing that spoke of immediate distrust, one of her eyelids lowered as the other eyebrow rose, and he was pleased at the sight of half of her mouth curling upward.

"No, I guess not." Hands on hip, she surveyed him again. "I don't usually come here, but my cousin wanted to look and see if they had any strays here." As if realizing that her explanation was not very much in that regard, she added, blushing a light shade of pink. "That is, last time he was in America, while he was visiting New York, he found an abandoned kitten. Our Aunt thought that if any place would have any, it would be around here. And since we're here, I though I'd see what was here."

"Aah! So you're from out of states. I could tell by your accent." As he spoke he unconsciously shot a finger at her, in the mood of a gun imitation as if to emphasis his point. The usually winning gesture was highly spoiled by the loud clatter of the trio of soup cans colliding with a bang into the supermarket floor. He kept a good hold on the fourth one, though it wasn't enough to salvage his pride.

The girl stared at him, whether stunned or appalled he couldn't tell. In an effort to make amends, he gave her a dopey grin, shrugging helplessly.

"Oops."

"I'd say so."

At her words, he noticed to his dismay that one of the cans had broken and was even now rapidly spilling all along the floor.

"Uh oh." Glancing hurriedly around, he was relieved to see no one was nearby. "All right, we better make a run for it."

"You're going to just run away?" The incredulous tone of hers couldn't quite hide the humor she clearly saw in the situation.

"Of course. C'mon." Without asking, almost an impulse, he took her hand pulling her along with him. The door was to the left, right?

"You still have that other one. Are you going to run out with that too?"

"Oh yeah. I almost forgot." Eyeing the surrounding area a moment, he sprinted back to the soup aisle, sliding past the spillage, and placed the remaining one safely on the self. While he was thus preoccupied, to his astonishment, the blue-eyed gal had picked up the other two and placed them on the shelf as well. And had done so without getting of the red liquid on her stylish clothes.

At his questioning stare, she chuckled.

"I make it a habit to help those in need."

He wasn't sure if that was an insult or complement, but decided, after a quick decision, that it was likely both.

"Right. Well, hurry up."

"What makes you think I'm still coming with you? _I _didn't spill anything." She stood coolly with her arms crossed, watching him with veiled interest. At least he hoped that was what it was.

"Sure. I thought maybe you'd like to get something to eat. I'm starving anyway. There's a real neat place nearby. Wanta come?" The words rushed out in a hurry, his mouth babbling ahead of him. It was hard to describe, this odd new feeling. He wanted desperately for her to come with her, from the instant he had seen her, he knew, though consciously Matt never would have said it as such, that she was something, or rather _someone, _he had been hoping to find for so long, and half fearing he never would. But here she was and he wasn't going to let her slip away. But all that he was aware of in his churning brain was that he had to get out of here as soon as possible.

As if gleaning some of his thoughts, she gave a sigh of mocked submission, then nodded.

"Sure. Why not?"

He couldn't help but smile.

"My name's Matt, though my brother likes to call me Hige." He wrinkled his nose in disgust. Now why did he tell her that? "He's taking some kind of Japanese dialect thingie class at the college he commutes too. He said it made him think of me. I think it's a kind of joke," he added, rubbing absently at his smooth cheeks.

She actually laughed at that, somehow more amused at that, then at anything else.

"I'm Katherine Winterhart, but most people call me Blue."

"Blue…that's a beautiful name." As if realizing what he had just said, he mumbled something incoherently, before she stopped his stuttering with a small smile.

"I don't believe we have much more time, since your soup pool has grown quite large by now." Her head leaned out, gazing behind him in heightened concentration, making sure.

"Ah right." He slapped his forehead, amazed at his idiocy. And silent grateful at her slick change of the subject. He wasn't sure what had made him say what he did, but he knew it wasn't really the kind of thing you said to someone you had only just met. But he knew it was still true.

"Right," he said again. "Shall we?"

"I said yes." Shrugging her narrow shoulders she replied, "I've got nothing else to do."

"That's what I like to hear!"

* * *

The winter air stung at his face. Cold air had moved in from the mountains in the west, the big ones, so the weather report had claimed this morning, dropping the temperature yet leaving the sky spotlessly clear. If the wind hadn't been so cold the warmth of the sun might have been soothing, but in this case the sun was merely an irritant, shooting beams of light into one of his eyes from where it hung in the sky. As well as the drop in temperature the air had brought with it a steady, piercing wind. 

Where he was standing, watching as unobtrusively as he could muster without degrading his connotation of common sense, the air bit ruthlessly. The side street whose corner he leaned against meandered to a dead end that was wide open to a large field, the stalks of whatever was growing there rushing back and forth in the biting wind. Stinging fingers crept up his neck as the unrestrained breeze shot down the side street, and he tried to shake off the shiver that accompanied it.

He knew it was too cold for any normal-thinking person to be out, so why was he? Why was he out here, lying in wait like this, watching and waiting for God-knows-what?

No, that wasn't completely true and, no matter how much he might _like _to deny it, he knew why he was out here.

That girl, that saucy girl who had snipped so readily at him. She was the _one_, whatever that meant. Her name, or rather her nickname, was Cheza. It was an uncommon enough name to get his attention. He had heard that name before, deep inside himself. It was a name that called to him, as irrational as he knew it was, quietly, almost politely, asking him to come. And yet, that girl didn't seem aware of it. Maybe he was wrong and this inherent illogical feeling was only a hoax.

Laughing silently at his train of thought, he scowled outwardly, knowing that he was merely fooling himself. If he had _really _felt so wrong about it, he would not have come here, to this city searching for the maiden named Cheza. Like hell was he suppose to know what that meant, but Tsume had never questioned the feeling. He had always known, in some part of himself, that there was what he could only explain as 'wolf-instinct' in him, drawing him to some certain place. And the only name he had in his head was hers. So here he was, waiting outside in the frigid cold, glaring at the absurdly named store she worked in.

If he squinted hard enough he could see her through the glazed windows. She was laughing it looked like, her hand held up to her mouth as if she was tying to keep it inside. Her co-worker, who Tsume had found groundlessly incompetent and annoying, was waving his hands about in an idiotic manner.

The scene nearly made him growl and feeling suddenly disgusted with himself despite his raging 'wolf-instinct' he slipped out from the side street.

It was a little less cold out in the open. The wind only poked slightly icy fingers at him.

Glaring at the cement sidewalk, he felt a hot anger, the likes he had never felt for a long time. It almost felt as if he resented that idiot for being around Cheza but that was ludicrous thinking. It didn't matter to him. It couldn't matter to him. No, of course not.

Whatever these feelings were, they were nothing for him to worry about. They were only fragments of some far off memory. There was no real place for them, only in instinctive dreams.

As he walked along, glaring his anger into the sidewalk below his feet, he did not look where he was going. Without warning a soft shape collided into him, abruptly throwing off his balance.

He staggered for a moment, and then shot up his eyes at the fool who had meandered stupidly into him but the curse on his lips fell short.

What met his eyes was only a slightly embarrassed boy with red tousled hair, who seemed more put out about the ridiculous incident then he did. Strangely in that brief instant, Tsume felt his irrational rage slip away, with only his natural hesitancy and cool aloofness in meeting others.

"Sorry."

Whoever the kid was he sounded genuinely sorry. _That _was unusually, as far as it went with him.

He didn't say so to the kid, but shrugged impassively, raising a pale eyebrow at the boy. "Just watch it."

Secretly impressed with himself for his stance of aloofness, he started to weave his way pass the kid. Quite to his surprise the kid didn't let it end relatively so easy.

"I wasn't the one snarling at the sidewalk." Despite the accusing tone in the kid's voice, he sounded somewhat amused too. When Tsume didn't respond, the kid grinned, rather widely at him, in what Tsume felt was rather uncommon friendliness, placing his hands on his hips as if he was getting ready for an inspection. "You don't have to be so nervous you know. It's," the kid waved to the surroundings vaguely, "just a small town." His smile dimmed a little and his eyes looked curious. "Are you not from around here either?"

The kid's voice sounded different than most of the people around here, not that he'd talk to many of them, but there was definitely a different pitch to his voice. Without thinking, Tsume said, "You're not either, are ya." It was a statement, not a question.

Looking surprised the kid blinked at him then his mouth quirked in a half smile. "Yeah. Well, not really. My Aunt lives here. I'm visiting."

"Are ya sure you should be telling me all this?"

The kid looked puzzled. "I don't see why not." As an afterthought he added, "My name's Roger. Roger Winterhart."

He seemed to be expecting something, so Tsume shrugged at him replying as nonchalantly as he could, "I'm looking for something."  
"What?"

"You're awfully nosy for a kid."

"I'm nearly thirteen!"

The indignance in Roger's voice made him smirk without thinking.

"Really, you're still awfully nosy."

Eyebrows hunched over resentfully, the kid's hazel eyes glinted up at him, not amused.

"You haven't told me your name."

"I wasn't planning on it." The honesty of his answer startled him and yet…

"Aren't you awfully paranoid?"

Tsume raised an eyebrow of inquiry on that. He never heard someone use _that_ particular phrase for him.

Sighing Roger seemed to have decided this peculiar leather-clad man was not so much a danger as a head sore.

"You act as if you think everyone's out to get you."

Without thinking, yet again, he answered. "I have my reasons." Inside he was gaping at himself. It was as if he couldn't keep his tongue in check, words were merely spilling from him, heedless of the company. As if this strange boy…

He narrowed his eyes at Roger's innocently curious and vaguely intrigued glance, suddenly having a strange feeling. It was a little bit like with Cheza, but completely different. Whatever it was, it wasn't really a name, it wasn't really calling him; it was merely something as simple as breathing. A simple thing he needed. Something he had needed to find and hadn't known it, but had known on some instinctive level that finding Cheza would lead him to it.

These bubbling incoherent feelings made his leg itch severely.

"Tsume?" The question cut through his confusion and he was briefly glad for it until he saw who it was. Cheza.

She was watching the two of them with curiosity.

"Who's you're friend?"

"He's not my friend." Tsume scowled, even as the kid answered the question himself.

"I'm Roger." His hazel eyes stared at her as she stared back with equal intensity. "Who are you?"

"Cheza." Wrinkling her nose, she made a face. "I don't know why I said that. My really name is Emma."

"Ah." The kid seemed to think a moment, then eyes lighting up he asked. "You know Tsume?"

"She does not." His quick response did not console him.

She gave him a funny look, but agreed with him. "He's right. I don't _really _know, but he's hard not to miss."

"Yeah." The kid apparently agreed with her on that.

Tsume rolled his eyes, wondering how he had gotten caught up in all this again?

* * *

_read on...to finding cloud 9 (part 2)_


	3. finding cloud 9 :part 2

**Disclaimer**: Same as in part 1

**A/N**: I'd like to point out that these are both chapter two, 'finding cloud 9'. I did it like this because together, I just thought it was too long to read. _shrug_ Tell me if you think I should keep it like this or put it as one single but LONG chapter.

End of chapter is dedicated to twinny-chan! (chapter title is also inspired from something my twin said)

* * *

finding cloud 9 (part two)

_"a long time ago when the world was pretty, standing right here in a different city_

_I'm not coming back anymore."_

- This Isn't What We Meant (Savatage)

Katherine Winterhart was puzzled and that was an unusual thing.

She watched Matt juggle the steaming hot dogs he had got at the vender while trying to pay at the same time with a trepid kind of soft glow. It wasn't like her. Not the acceptation of his offer but the way it made her feel. A tiny part of her felt she should be more resentful or bitter, but there wasn't any room for it. Another part of her was highly amused. So this is what he meant by "a real neat place"? Ah, the tastes of men would always be a wonder to her!

"Here." His voice cut through her thoughts as a warm hot dog was thus into her cold hands. She stared stunned at it a moment then raised her remarkable blue eyes at him and smirked.

"So this is fine dining in these parts?"

"Only the best of course." He gave her another one of those sheepish grins.

She couldn't tell if he was serious or not. Having a hunch, she thought it best not to ask.

Instead, she smiled more heartily at him, saying, "I take it your interested in juggling."

Not getting her meaning immediately, Matt stared at her blankly for a moment then seeming to catch on, grinned again, rubbing his free hand behind his head. "Well, I don't suppose I'm too good at it—ya know with the soup cans and all that." One of his eyes winked at her. "Though I did a bit better with the hot dogs, huh?"

"Oh, naturally."

He seemed delighted with her humor and attention, and that in of itself made a little nest of warm, glowing goldenness grow in her. It reminded her of a dream she had had, a remnant of running in a field, a running furriness. But now that sounded like absurd nonsense, but she supposed that made sense; it _was _only a dream after all.

"So what are you doing here?"

She stared skeptically at him, as he bit hungrily into his own hot dog.

"I told you I was visiting my Aunt, didn't I?"

Nodding, he quickly finished chewing, saying with a laugh, "Yeah, I know. But why did you—" he stopped short, gray eyes blinking, then gave a short croak, "Ah, well I guess you answered it already. I was gonna ask why you'd pick a town like this to visit, when there are so many other big, better cities in the U.S. but then again I guess you're Aunt's not living in one of them."

He seemed genuinely embarrassed, so Kathy strove to amend the situation.

"Yeah. Aunt Susan likes the peace and quiet." She paused a moment, watching him take another bite. Once he had swallow she asked, "Do you have any family?" Not sure why she had asked, though small part of her was glad she had. Family had always been important to her.

"There's just my brother, Stephen, and me." Matt shrugged as if that explained everything. "I think I've got some relatives somewhere out west more. Ya know, like California or something."

Kathy nodded more to placate him than really understanding; she only had a limited knowledge of the various names of states in America. Roger had always been better at remembering.

At the wayward thought, her cat-searching cousin came back to her. She had left him wandering around this area without a second thought for where he was. When she had gone into the store, he had only been two blocks away, and she had still been able to partly see him. But it had completely slipped her mind. It was unlikely he was still there; for such a young kid he sure moved around fast. Sometimes he was too inquisitive for his own good. She swore it would get him trouble someday.

Her worry beginning to show on her face, Matt watched her with a titled head.

"What's up?"

"Roger. My cousin. I was supposed to watch him, but I…" A black feeling of shame was floating down on her, a sharp prick of ugly worthlessness.

_I'm so useless sometimes _The words in her head, regardless how bitter, somehow felt true…

"Hey, Blue snap out of it. It's not like there's anything _that _bad here. I'm sure he's around here somewhere. Let's go look."

His voice called to her through her gloom and made her look up. There was his hand stretching out to her, across the small space between them, and he was smiling so warmly at her. The black feeling seemed to evaporate, or at least dispense. She took his hand and as she did she noticed she had dropped her hot dog. Somehow the sight brought an uncommon smile to her face.

* * *

Cheza seemed delighted with Roger. He was spinning some yarn about a herd of wandering cows that had escaped from a nearby farm where he lived in Suffolk or some such place. Tsume stood watching the two with mixed feelings, though outwardly he was trying his hardest to not appear too interested. Not that he really was, but there was definitely something amusing about watching the two of them together, this Roger kid bubbling over with exaggerated enthusiasm and Cheza watching him with open eyes, utterly charmed with him, laughing at all the right moments. The two seemed to fit together. There was no denying there was something similar to them, sort of how he felt about them… 

_That doesn't make any sense, _he grumbled to himself, frowning despite the fact the other two were laughing. _But then again maybe it does, they're both strangers to me. One a name in my head with a feeling to find it, and the other…a feeling I was trying to find that I didn't know even had a name. _Tsume was quietly amused at his clever description. It was a stupid thing to feel that way about, but he was proud of it all the same.

The wind seemed to have died down. Now it was only a faint trickle of chill air, moving languidly down street and sidewalk they were standing on.

"Hoi, Roger!" A voice interrupted the chatter between the two of them. The kid turned toward the sound of the call, his eyes settling on a pair of figures across the street. There was hardly anyone else out, and the street seemed virtually empty. Cheza looked out in the same direction.

"Blue!" the kid waved expansively out to one of the figures.

Cocking an eyebrow at that, Tsume noticed the strange look on Cheza's face. Her usually friendlier expression, at least the few times he'd seen her, seemed frozen and her eyes were wide and confused. He watched her carefully, ignorant of the ones Roger seemed to be talking to. Why did she look like that? And more importantly, why did he feel so concerned?

* * *

"Hey, stop yelling across the street, Rog!" The same voice scolded, and she noted that the voice was female. Somehow she wasn't surprised. The name 'Blue' had come with it a very feminine blackness, not lady-like but definitely female. She saw one of the figures, the one clad in black, set one foot in the street, ready to cross. The other person beside her, beside this 'Blue', was a boy, probably about Emma's own age, with shaggy tan colored hair. Whoever he was, he seemed pleased about something. 

When 'Blue' wasn't looking the boy gave her a nudge with his elbow, and even when she gave him a baleful look, he simply grinned.

The wind that had been blowing gently but now had died down, making their voices seem to carry across the street with very little effort.

"I think I hear my bro calling. I probably should get going." He started to turn, then said in a hurried rush, "I'll see you again sometime then, Blue."

There it was again! That name, 'Blue'. She pulled unconsciously at her right earlobe. What could it mean?

'Blue' regarded him a moment, a serious expression on her face, and then she nodded. She seemed to be smirking. "Sure thing, Hige." And with a backward wave 'Blue' jogged across the street to Roger's side.

_Hige? It can't…it couldn't…how could it? _She couldn't seem to keep her thoughts straight. This couldn't be happening could it? Those couldn't be real names, could they? Nicknames, jokes? _Like me? _That thought brought with a strange sense of epiphany, which she was prompt to ignore. Without really registering anything else, she felt her feet back away slowly until she found herself turned around, running without thinking, running away.

* * *

Life could be so complicated. What was it that made living so worthwhile? What was that feeling that made it all alright? Or was it only a memory of feeling? But, no, that couldn't… 

Her thoughts were limping through her mind. Emma stretched her arm out, spraying the fingers as she gazed hard at her hand from where she lay on her bed.

The electric clock on the small table beside her bed glowed lime green in the darkness. As thin shaft of late afternoon light gave her eyes enough light to see her hand above her. Normally she disliked the dark, especially when she was reverberating with confused and painful feelings. It didn't happen often, the feelings that is, but when it did she preferred the light to the dark.

Right now Emma was too tired, her limbs jerking in a shaky manner as if from great exertion, to turn the light on. The nearest switch lay an enormous two feet from her, not to mention the added action of having to get up.

Despite her tired body, and the darkness, somehow deep inside she felt content, as if she was smiling. And that in itself confused her. She clenched her fingers tightly into a fist, a wave of paradox feelings rushing through her.

She was instinctively happy, yet her limbs were shaking and she felt as if she would cry.

Life wasn't supposed to be like that. Was it? There seemed to be so little she knew. It was all nonsense, incoherent meaningless actions. But that wasn't true either. There had been the 'gold' feeling, overflowing, promising a good day.

Originally Emma had thought she would write a bit when she got back from work. She'd been doing quite well at it lately, but it had seemed that life had a little irony waiting for her instead.

Even now she could not really fathom why she had reacted the way she had, running away as if she was terrified. It wasn't that she had been scared, more awe-struck. All those names at the same time, those people, had been unnatural; it was only suppose to be in her head. 'Tsume' she had been able to ignore, brushing it aside but 'Hige' and 'Blue' as well! It was too much despite the happy feeling it gave her. It was too unreasonable; fragmented thoughts weren't supposed to make you that happy, give you that much meaning, though really she did not believe that.

A thick click nearby her head brought her out of her thoughts.

Startled, she realized after the sound repeated itself that it had come from her window, just above her head.

Struggling up, Emma pulled back the blinds peering into the early dusk. It was later than she had thought.

The window looked out into her family's backyard, surrounded on one end by a broken white fence which led into a field of tall grass. There was a figure standing in the darkening yard, just below her window near the open field.

She stared, eyes squinted up trying to discern who it was. With a start of surprise she said his name.

'Tsume."

The incredulousness of her voice was pronounced, though she tried to keep her tone soft.

He acknowledged her with a stiff nod of his head.

Amazed, she could not help staring, longer than perhaps she should have. Why was he here? How had he found his way here?

A smile twitched at the corners of her mouth though she forced it down. There was something potent about this scene along with a silly, irrational feeling in her gut. Pushing it aside, Emma noted instead the way his silver hair showed up distinctly in the dusk, highlighted by bluish violet.

"What are you doing here, Tsume?"

The man did not answer right away, shifting his weight in the grass as if he was not even sure himself. When he did speak his voice sounded unconcerned, almost too impassive.

"You ran away. I wondered why."

The gruffness of his words couldn't hide the fact he was worried. Emma could tell, though at the moment she didn't dwell on why she was so sure. All she was sure of was that it seemed sweet to her.

She let a brief trace of a smile turn her lips upward as she said, "Hang on, I'll meet you out front. It'll be easier."

Seeming about to protest, Tsume shook it off with a disregarding shrug of his shoulders then nodded.

Closing the window, she gave a sigh. Once she had crossed her room, her tired limbs strangely forgotten, she opened her door a fraction then remembered her mother was out tonight. _Good, then I have nothing to worry about. _Bounding out her door, Emma headed down the stairs, grabbing her coat in the process.

The front door opened with a gentle click.

When she opened the door and slid outside she was surprised to see more than just Tsume standing there. The silver-haired man looked more annoyed than she would have expected, regarding the new arrivals with a kind of forced disdain. There were three of them, and with a start she recognized two of them as Roger and Blue.

Blue was sitting on her front step, while Roger was standing next to the shaggy haired boy she had seen earlier.

_Hige._

He grinned at her, his grey eyes amused. Roger seemed uncertain but his forehead was creased with obvious worry. Blue, on the other hand, seemed thoughtful, watching her as she slowly moved out from the open door, letting it shut slowly. She felt all their eyes on her.

Roger broke the silence.

"Are you alright? I –we –I was worried." Biting his lip, he glanced over at Blue and Hige, and even Tsume in turn, who ignored him.

Emma watched them all, eyes trailing from one to another, a funny feeling forming inside her. Giving a deep sigh, she slumped down beside Blue.

"What are you all doing here?"

"Wondering what had happened to you." It was Hige that spoke this time. Hands behind his head, he grinned at her. "I mean I'm use to girls running away from me but that was a bit extreme."

She felt the faintest trace of a smile tugging on the tips of her mouth.

"But how did you find you're way here?"

"We followed Tsume." Blue answered from beside her with a mischievous grin.

Tsume himself looked disgusted but didn't say anything.

She didn't understand why they were all here, these people she didn't even really know.

As if discerning some of that in some unspoken way, Blue cocked her head, dark bangs falling between her namesake eyes. "We came because we were worried. I known I was." She smiled at her, a quirky sort of half smile as if to say, _Look, yeah this is strange, but we're here for you all the same. _And something else as well. Overcome with a strange bewildering feeling, Emma grasped Blue's hands tightly from where the other girl sat beside her on the front steps.

"Blue whatever happens you're as much a wolf as anyone else. And even if not, you're twice as good in the other way."

The blue-eyed girl did not seem to know how to take it, and Emma didn't really blame her. She hadn't exactly understood what she said but, somehow, it was something Blue needed to hear. Only Tsume seemed to really take anything out of her words, though Hige had a thoughtful expression on his face.

Something changed in Blue's eyes, a happy loving expression she had never seen on someone. It reminded her of a happy puppy. Smiling Blue bounced beside her in a cheerful manner, and without thinking she reached out and patted the other's hair, almost as she would a dog. With that small action, she knew, deep inside, that she had crossed some boundary she could never turn back from. But right now there was nothing except a blooming golden flower in her heart as Emma felt a quiet voice singing inside her.


	4. memory's strangers

**Disclaimer**: No, sadly I don't own any of them (though Kiba would be nice seeing as only he is a wolf in this story) and I'm definitely not getting anything out of this (other than this one's own pleasure. .)

**A/N**: Well, hey, I got chapter 3 up a LOT faster than I had anticipated. Cool! At this rate I'll be pass my original count of only 10 reviews…I recalculated it and now I'm expecting no more than 14 or 15 reviews. If I'm lucky of course. I'd also like to say that I don'tknow how the schools in Europe divide their breaks, except England. I'm assuming it's not too different all around… Also I'm sorry if this chapter seems a bit choppier than the first two- that's just how it was planned out. I was trying to show time going by without going on about every little detail. Oh, since someone left a review asking where Kiba was, this one got it into its head to add a bit more of him to this chapter. After all, Kiba is very important too. Yes. (Geez, this got long)

* * *

memory's strangers

"we dared to ask for more but that was long before

the nights began to burn"

-This Isn't What We Meant (Savatage)

He was running. So many nameless cities, under giant metal arches and pass tumbling, sour-smelling creatures that rumbled nosily, winding his way through narrow streets and high walled glass, he seemed to be running forever. Running through all of it, these cities that were the same yet different, for their scent spoke of life not decaying death. Another memory of another place followed him as he ran. A wasteland turning to ice. A pack of friends and brothers. A sweetly smelling maiden.

But as he ran he didn't have the time to dwell on these memories for there was something else, more immediate in his mind.

He heard a voice calling to him, and he was following it. A voice that was singing to him, a voice he had heard before, and one he would recognize even in death. He couldn't remember how long he had been running toward it. And that's how it was: he was not running after the voice, trying to track it down. No, he knew where the singing voice was, he simply had to get where she was first.

In the last few days her song had become louder to him, the singing clearer than it had ever been before.

He heard her. He had always heard her, somewhere deep inside his heart. And that's why he was running, because he knew she was calling for him, singing to him. If he had been human he may have dwelt on the thought, wondering why it was like that. Perhaps even pondering if the song was really just for him, or how he knew her so very well, so that every sense of him knew exactly where she was. But he was a wolf, and he was not weighted down by human doubts. He had his truth and his instinct, and that was as much as he needed to know to live without regret.

The rocky ground beat against his paws as he ran, the rhythm of his body a slower throb in time with his heart and swiftly in time with the ground. In a way it was his own way of singing, this running of his, at least for the moment.

But would she remember him? After all this time would she still remember him?

It was the closest to doubt that he felt as he ran, running toward that sweetly singing voice he heard.

_I'm coming Cheza! We'll find all the others, if you haven't already. We'll find Paradise._

* * *

It was a dream. It had to be a dream. She had had others like it before but in her sleep this one made her smile. 

She was going somewhere, up hill perhaps. There were others with her, as if in a group of some kind. They were all going somewhere, a house of someone. It was high up, in a rocky place with lots of shaggy grass. The grass was greenish-yellow, cut short by the path that they were one as in wound up toward somewhere, maybe a brownish house, like a wooden dome in the mountains. The sky seemed gray as if it was about to rain. She couldn't shake the feeling that she wasn't supposed to be there. Or more that her being here wasn't any more important than anyone else, as if being here was special privilege but she shouldn't expect anything. Then _they _had greeted her.

She couldn't tell how many there were, but they were running around her, different shades of white and gray and black and brown. She thought maybe there were five. Kneeling in the grass, they bounded up to her, tails wagging, licking her face, crowding around her. One wolf even jumped up, as if trying to get on her back, but only bumping her shoulder. She petted them all, rubbing her fingers gently through their fur, so very happy inside.

When she woke up she didn't remember it right away, but Emma could still feel the happy feeling, golden glowing, silvery-white, lavender shade of happy jumpiness. Tilting her head, she wondered at the odd description but it was a very good one she had to admit. She just really felt good. It seemed an unusual feeling to have, especially considering how she had been feeling recently, but it wasn't uncommon for her to wake up one morning and simply feeling like skipping.

As she sat in her bed thinking this, her dream came back to her, oddly making the happiness seem even more potent. Smiling in a small way, Emma couldn't shake the feeling that this dream, or rather the _feeling _it gave her, was something…she had felt before? Biting her lip, she ran the thought through her mind.

_Yes. I know I've had other dreams with wolves. _In the beginning there had only been one wolf, a specific one she was trying to reach or find or pet. She couldn't remember the name anymore, but she remembered that she had said the name in her dream. There had been a few others, another with two or three wolves. She did remember that one of the wolves in that one had been black, whom she had petted. It must have been some time after that the naming had started. Odd that she had forgotten that.

Shrugging it off, she climbed out of bed, shivering in the cooler air.

_I wonder what that first name was? _

Well, there was no point worrying about it now; it would came to her someday, she was sure of it.

* * *

"Hey!" 

The protest fell on deaf ears, as a giant wave of water splashed dangerously upon the low shore. Ripples of clear water rustled the cattailsthat stood tall as sentries on the lower end of the lake. It scoped an odd shape through the meadowlike that of a lima bean, with a small line of drooping trees trailing their twiggy fingers in the brown waters. Buds were only beginning to bloom, the branches still mostly bare despite the warmth of the late March sun. The sunlight waltzed across the lake's center, showing the crystal clarity of the water though with the bottom choked with wet mud it gave the rest of the lake a murky sheen.

A grumbling mumble that sounded surprisingly close to swear words was followed by a hiccupped laughter, as the one laughing tried to hold back his amusement. Despite the glaring golden eyes, Hige found himself unable to keep up the pretense. The older man just looked so darn pissed off!

The blue-eyed girl beside him kicked him in the shins, hard without restraint, and he gave her a small splash in accord. She gave a yell of annoyance and forcible shoved the tawny haired boy into the lake. They had both been sitting quietly enough, Hige amusing himself by throwing in stones, preferably big ones to make a bigger splash.

He sputtered in the warm water, stunned speechless.

"That's probably the smartest thing you've done yet." Tsume's sarcastic drawl made Hige wince and Blue smirk.

"Yes. I think I'll take that as a compliment."

As if oblivious to the current bantering, the youngest of their odd little mismatched group peered over at the floundering Hige, kneeling on the other shore's side, his hazel eyes curious.

"How's the water, Hige?"

The grey-eyed boy stared at him a moment, then grinned. Paddling his way over to where Roger sat with Cheza, he called out, "It's a lot nicer than I would have thought, this time of month."

"It's probably the sun."

Hige chose to ignore Tsume's comment.

Sullenly he began to form a witty retort in his mind. But before he could deliver Cheza spoke up instead, as if trying to keep the tension from accelerating anymore. He didn't think she did it intentionally; it was merely the way she was, trying to keep peace between her wolves. He grinned at the thought, his good humoring returning, even if the thought did not _precisely _make sense. Though there was a kind of sense to it that he found he liked.

"Whatever the reason, the weather _is _nicer than normal."

"Yeah, especially when we were suppose to get more weeks of winter." Roger piped up.

Tsume raised an eyebrow at that, trying to shake off the last residue of dampness that had just nearly showered him.

As if deciding to change the subject, the silver-haired man, asked, "Where in hell did you find a boulder that big?"

"I'm more curious as to how he was able to lift it." Blue muttered, snickering softly though her voice was good-natured, even teasing. He decided he sort of liked it, though Hige did wish that Tsume and Blue would stop ganging up on him. It was uncanny!

Blue's comment even got a chuckle out of Cheza, who gave Hige a sympathetic smile. Albeit a small one but he was glad of it.

Wadding to shore, Hige snorted back at Tsume and Blue, "By the side of the lake of course and heck, I live out in these parts so no rock, big or small can stand up to me." He grinned wider at his words, somehow pleased with himself. Blue shook her head at him though her azure eyes were smiling quietly.

Roger watched them from where he sat, contemplating everything that had happened recently. It was all so…unbelievable? He wasn't sure that was the right word. If there was one thing he thought, it was that it was best to always use the right word when you were speaking. _Or thinking for that matter. _

Chewing on some other words, the young auburn-haired boy decided that weird or unusual worked a lot better. None of them had known each other for very long, Cheza and Hige having never even known each other though they lived in the same town. It had been, what? About a month. Whatever it was he found he was glad his school back home had had the problems it had giving him an extra month to stay here.

Yes it was certainly unusual. He hardly knew anything about any of them and yet he felt instinctively that he did. Not being one to get carried away by his feelings, Roger Winterhart commonly found himself swayed by those very same feelings anyway. Out of all of them he had found the closest thing to a shared sense of self with Emma Starr, more often called Cheza. He wasn't sure where he had heard the name before but with it came sweet smelling memories, if a memory could have a scent. She shared something similar to him, maybe in her dedication to words or maybe her seemingly nice nature though he knew she wasn't all sweetness.

Hige was a different matter. The older boy, five years his senior, was an odd mix a clumsy charisma and cheerful cunning. Roger could bet there were things going on in the other's head that he never really let out. But whatever it was, Hige was a good guy, the kind of person who always kept his word. And he was funny, or at least he always tried to be.

His cousin Blue didn't entirely count, since he had known her for longer than the others. Fiercely protective and cautious, she had a good heart, the kind that would probably find a way to use it to the advantage of those in need. It was just in her nature. And right now she was struggling with Hige over "dominance" of the lake's other shore. As Hige tried to climb out further she would push him gently back, just as he would attempt to drag her in. Tsume watched them, a little out of the way, a wary expression on his face.

And then of course there was Tsume. He was an odd one, that one. Shrugging absently to himself, he figured it was the older man's way of keeping his distance. Every movement the silver-haired man made spoke of a remoteness, a kind of trepid wariness. Though Roger thought he had seen it slip once or twice in the last month. Yes, Tsume was really odd.

He turned to Cheza, to say so to her, when he noticed she was watching Tsume too. She didn't look content about it but was biting her lip self-consciously as if something was gnawing at her.

"Cheza? Emma?"

Startled she spun her head toward him, her eyes blinking in surprise.

Tilting his head, he stared at her and then unspokenly wagged his head in Tsume's direction.

She gave a small shrug, her face increasing to a pinker shade. Roger watched amused as she plucked carelessly at her earlobe. He had come to learn that that was one of her nervous habits, something she did when she was confused or at a lost of words.

"Do you think there's another?"

"What?"

Her words weren't what he had been expecting, leaving his mind jilted.

Wrinkling her nose, she sighed, a strange sound partway melancholy and partway dreamy.

"I just have a thought…or a feeling I suppose that there's…another. Someone…else."

"You mean...someone else who should be with us?" As he said it, he knew that she was right. Just as he felt he knew these seeming strangers, just as he had always felt these unspoken, unrecognizable feelings, he felt there was a significant truth to Cheza's words. It gave him a chill though that wasn't a bad thing.

"What are you two whispering about?" Hige called, having won the battle and now sat beside an equally wet Blue. For someone who had just been dunked, she looked rather pleased with herself about something.

Roger scowled. "We aren't whispering."

"I…" Cheza blinked. "I was wondering if there was another…someone else." She finished, answering for him.

Looking curious Blue inquired, "You mean with us?"

"As if we've always been a friendly all-know-each-other group." Tsume muttered.

Everyone ignored that comment.

As Cheza and Blue bounced back words across the water, Roger found his eyes wandering toward the closest end of the lake, the side lined with winding trees. They looked so sad, dangling there like that. He sort of felt he could relate though he certainly didn't feel sad. It was just…sometimes he felt he was missing something that the others could sense and he couldn't. Especially around Tsume and Hige. With Blue it wasn't as bad since his cousin usually tried to explain her strange actions, while the former two never bothered to elaborate. Perhaps Cheza shared the feeling of uncertainty with him. Maybe that was what made him feel so similar to her.

Feeling a strange impulse, Roger crawled through the slinking grass toward the row of trees. No one seemed to notice.

_I should have brought Snow, _was his only thought.

He rubbed his hand against the bark. It was rough and knotted, like a cracked, thick skin and in the shafts of sunlight it shimmered with a brownish red twinge, the darker shadows a grey green-brown. Two long arms leaned into the water, longer than any of the other branches. It gave him a curious feeling watching the two branches sway gently in the water's depth. It was building up inside him, a slow smoldering _something _that seemed to be rising from his gut, an automatic response that was completely natural. Without thinking, Roger found his hands clinging to the tree, this one bigger than the rest as he pulled himself up to the lowest branch.

_I wonder why I'm the only one without an unusual name._

The thought left him confused and made the already 'building-up' feeling grow louder, if such a phrase could be used. Getting rushed under a wave of rebellious stubbornness, Roger continued to climb the dangerously leaning tree. _Ha, look what I can do and they can't. _It was a…strange feeling. Swirling and churning as if he wanted to prove something.

It was when he had made it nearly to the top that someone finally noticed him.

"What the hell are you doing!"

Tsume's voice of outrage attracted everyone else's attention.

His cousin was the first one to react. Jumping to her feet, she yelled loudly, perhaps a little too loud, waving her arms expansively. "Toboe get down! You could fall and –and…" Her reprimand fell short when she seemed to realize that there wasn't much for him to hurt himself on in regard to falling. Nothing but water and he could certainly swim.

"I thought his name was Roger?" Hige asked nonchalantly from where he sat by Blue's feet.

Roger had been wondering the same thing. He had never heard Blue call him _that _name before. Her eyes blinked rapidly, her features twisted between puzzlement and anxiety, the former at Hige's question, the latter at her cousin's current position.

"It's perfectly safe, Blue," he called back, trying to ease her mind.

At just the same time, even as he spoke the words he heard a soft crack and then with a yelp of surprise he found himself swimming unintentionally in the brown waters. Hige burst out laughing; Blue gave a small shriek and gaped, while Cheza gave a quirky half-smile though she too seemed a little concerned. And Tsume gave out a hoarse chuckle, watching the paddling youngster with his hands on his hips.

"I think Toboe's a great name for the runt. He's loud enough to earn it."

* * *

The first day of a new month. He always found a quiet kind of pleasure in them. It was a fresh start, a new beginning, happening twelve times a year. The kitchen window was partly opening and dawn had only just broken through. Everyone else in the house was still fast asleep which added to the peaceful feeling of quiet newness. 

Only one thing seemed to mar this perfect morning. It was the strange way his wife, Susan Winterhart, now Mrs. Toswiski, had been acting the last month or so. Ever since Katherine and Roger had made what he supposed were friends of some kind, there had been an odd demeanor in his wife's attitude. Even now, Albert Toswiski wasn't sure exactly what had happened to introduce such an odd bunch of people together.

Katherine, a level headed seventeen year old and Roger, a little too enthusiastic for his own good thirteenyear old seemed to have little in common with the three new people they had met. The oldest, at least he figured the tall, somewhat dangerous looking man was the eldest, looking to be over twenty, had a silent aura of moodiness to him, though despite of all that Bert found himself liking the guy. The other two were just a year older than Katherine, one being a guy with a laidback, friendly attitude, the other being a girl seeming lost in her way but sweet enough.

It was this girl, one Amelia Starr, that had thrown off his wife. Susan had seemed to find something odd about the girl and seemed determined to figure out what it was. As if a young girl was science equation one could solve.

He had tried talking to Susan about it but she had only brushed him off. 'Just something I can't help' was all she had said. Right. It was as if she was trying to discover something, some elusive answer she had forgotten she was trying to find. Yes, it was the only damper on this fresh new morning in April.

The sound of loud yells and the reverberating bangs of a body being shoved into wood came from the stairwell, alerting him to the newly awakened presence of his rather rambunctious nephews.

* * *

The wind was blowing hard, lounging through the tops of the trees as it gave a lonely howl, making the branches whistle. Green leaves and white blossoms shuddered in the blast, flapping against one another and adding their rhythm to the already loud voice of the wind. Even the park swings were swinging on their own, pushed gently by the wind's hand. Surprisingly the park was empty except for the two of them, Hige mused to himself. Usually even this early in spring this place should have been swarming with kids. The wood-chipped ground round its way in-between a circle of trees, a colorful place filled with various shapes and sizes of expensive plastic and metal. Long tunnels, monkey bars, swings, even those whatcamacallits that you sat on, rocking back and forth like it was a pony. The park had two, an elephant and a something that looked almost like a horse. Maybe it was a donkey…or was it supposed to be a unicorn instead? 

He squinted at it through the wind. There did look like there was some sort of bump on the thing's head, right?

"Hige, what are you staring at?"

Her voice drew him out his thoughts, and he waved sheepishly at her.

"Sorry, Blue. Got distracted." In explanation Hige pointed a finger toward the unicorn. He had decided that was what it was. "I was trying to figure out what that was."

Blue gave him a half smile, thought her eyes appeared as distracted as his thoughts had been. Their blue depths seemed muted and hung with an intricate veil he could not quite see through nor comprehend.

"Blue?" He inquired, moving beside her. The wind whipped her dark hair wildly around her face.

Her blue eyes glanced at him then danced away, staring up into the white-blossoming trees instead.

He stared at her a moment then nudged her, butting her shoulder with his.

"C'mon, you're the one who wanted to talk. What's up?"

Blue continued to stare at the swaying trees. The weather was warm, but the wind made goose bumps rise on the skin of his arms.

Rubbing briskly at his forearms, Hige opened his mouth to ask again, when Blue took it upon herself to answer.

"The winter's ended a while ago."

He nodded in tentative agreement despite the fact that her back was still to him.

"We only had planned to stay until the first couple days of April. School works a bit differently over there, you see."

Again he nodded dumbly after her words until their meaning dawned on him.

"You mean, going back to Italy? Or wherever you go to school. You were just…staying for the spring –what break or something? Is that all this is." He turned his hands out in a gesture of relief. "And I thought it was something to worry about."

At that, she turned to him again; her eyes glinted angrily even though they seemed to shine. "How can you say that?" Her eyes seemed to say to him, _but what about everything? What will happen now? What will we do? What about us?_

Feeling a bit ashamed, he tried to give her a remorseful smile, saying in what he hoped was a nice enough voice with just the right amount of seriousness. It had never been one of his strong points; seriousness that is. "Aah, Blue. There's nothing to worry about. We'll still keep in touch." He gave her a small hug, letting his arm linger around her shoulders. "It's all right Blue. I…" he paused a moment, blinking at the range of feelings that were fluttering in his chest. "All the others—well, mostly Cheza I guess—will still keep contact with you. You know that. And…" he bit his lip, "that is, I will too. I mean, c'mon Blue…your…I…that is…" Scratching his nose he felt his cheeks grow warm, confused a bit by his rambling. Whatever it was he was trying to say, somehow Blue seemed to grasp it because she gave a tiny smile, this one softer than the one before and kissed him gingerly on the cheek.

He was a bit stunned and it took him a few seconds to hear what Blue was saying. It sounded like she had been talking for a bit.

"…give us a ride to the airport, since Aunt Susan has a special meeting and Uncle Bert is usually busy on Wednesdays."

"Eh? What was that? Who's taking you?"

Giving him a mocking scowl, she said, "That friend of Cheza's, Raphael. The one you met at the picnic two weeks ago."

"Aaah."

"I thought that would help you remember."

He gave her a hard nudge for that one. Still grinning at him, she dug her elbow into his side, making him laugh.

Ah yes, life was good. Distance could never really separate people when they really loved each other. Distance was just another insignificant factor when the feelings of two were concerned.

* * *

It was evening. The velvet blueness had sunk behind the greater darkness though there were still traces of crimson orange and fiery scarlet smeared on the farthest edges of the horizon. Crickets chirped, the tall grasses crackled, and the branches overhead rattled; the growing nightly noises. But there was another one, more a scent or a feeling than anything else. It was something so familiar but not the way her singing was or even the memories of the others were. No, despite the lingering similarity there was another odor, one that made his hackles rise. A low growl permeated from his throat, threatening this familiar smell. With it came back memories of a twisted blackness mixed with the aroma of blood, full of sharp angles and corrupted vitality. It smelled like a stain, violet blue like a bruise shimmering with a glint of gold. A wolf's eye. He felt the growl grow deeper as his senses keyed on the source of the scent. 

Just beyond him, pass a small sheltering of thin trees ran one of those black paths and with it one of the loud, bad-smelling creatures. It was there, right there! He wouldn't let the other get in the way again; he would stop the other before anything else could happen. Before paradise could fail again, unopened.

With these thoughts behind him, the white wolf leapt forward finding himself on the front of one of the rumbling creatures. There was a shout of panic, then a screeching wail followed by a loud collision, and he felt himself thrown to the hard black ground.


	5. gravity of truth :part 1

**Disclaimer: **Nope, still don't own any of them. I don't own the state of Illinois either, where the story takes place. Have I explained that yet?

**A/N**: Here's chapter four part 1 –again – albeit longer than last time. I finally fully finished this chapter, so I decided to divide it up differently than I had originally intended. Well now…things are heating up aren't they? There's a bit of a romance going on (and I don't mean between Matt and Kathy) and I'm not sure if anyone has caught on to yet. It's kind of unusual…

* * *

gravity of truth 

_"You would have thought we'd learned you can't make promises all based upon tomorrow_

_Happiness, security, are words we only borrowed…"_

-This Isn't What We Meant (Savatage)

The shrill ringing of the kitchen's phone jolted Bert out of his thoughts. Startled into movement sooner than him, Susan reached for the phone. She had arrived home earlier than she had expected, the meeting having gone faster than she had anticipated. For some reason she seemed so on edge. _No, that's not true _he berated himself softly. _You're just as tensed up as she is. But why? There's nothing to worry about. It's not like they haven't come here before._

Who was it that had picked them up? Some guy, a dark skinned guy he thought, some friend of a friend or something. Whoever he was he had had a giant truck with room enough for everyone. It was nice to know they had made friends. That was something he had always had difficulty doing…

A small gasp from the phone, made him turn. Susan's face had gone pale.

"Susan, what?" He rose instinctively from his chair, moving to her side. She brushed him off absently, her hand straying mindlessly. Her eyes were glazed, and she seemed distracted, her lips white.

"Susan?" Now he was really worried. Something had happened, hadn't it? How would—what would—

Without another word, almost coldly, she returned the phone to it's holding on the wall. Bert watched her uneasily, trying to sense her mood or gauge what had happened.

"Dear? What –"

He never finished his sentence for she grasped his arm, fingers digging into his skin. Her blue eyes, a paler shade then their niece's bored into his, frightful, determined and shaken.

"Bert. Bert, it's them. They…had an accident." The words were wobbly, as if the voice that spoke them could not quite believe them either.

"What! How? What happened?"

"I—I don't know. Oh, oh, Bert. There was something…it got in the road."

"But they're all right, aren't they? They must be or they," he waved dispassionately toward the phone, as if those that had just called were a collective creature he could label, "wouldn't have called."

"It's just happened. Or happened recently. They say they'll be at the hospital. We need…"

"To go." He finished for her. "Yes."

With almost mindless, numb grace he helped her into her rain coat, heedful of the sound of rain. It sounded of as if it was fading fast. Perhaps that had added to the cause. As he walked with her to the car, Bert felt his thoughts whirl in a windmill of circling motion.

_The hospital. No, it can't be that serious. Everyone goes there. But why did they call then? Why didn't they call sooner? How they call so soon anyway? They can't be hurt. No, of course not. They were just here this morning. Why are they at the hospital? What's happening?_

This last thought seemed to drown out the rest with a scary sense of foreboding. He shivered unconsciously, pulling Susan to him before he had to part with her to get into the car, the sense of disaster gouging all other thoughts from his mind.

* * *

In his dream he saw a face before him. Lily-pale with open eyes. They reminded him of teardrops of pink crimson, pleading out to him though the face still remained so faraway. The lips moved, mouthing words he could not hear, the soft gauze of her lavender hair curling around her face, gentle like a flower's petal. Her lips were still moving, her face growing closer. It was a face he could almost remember, one he had dreamed of before. She was calling to him. For a moment the apparition's words seemed to reach him in his dream. 

_Kiba! _

The name was ripped from her lips like an unheeded, unnatural call, as if she had not quite meant to say precisely that. Then another word came to him, a different call, this one crying, calling so urgently.

_Tsume!_

With a jolt, he was wide awake, mind reeling. He was still in the same spot where he had laid down to sleep. The couch's rough cover was better than some he had seen but it was odd to wake in this strange apartment, no matter how long he had been here.

Rain was falling outside, the ringing peel of each raindrop echoing against the glass window.

_Rain, rain, it's been doing but rain recently. _It was not a real thought, and he knew it. His eyes were tightly closed as if his mind was still floating somewhere else, in that elusive place where dreams lay. His own dream was still potent in his memory.

Uneasily he sat up, gingerly fingering his brow before running his fingers through his short cropped silver hair.

Tsume was not the kind of man to take things without question. It went against his nature, and everything he had been and everything he halfway believed. Which didn't leave him much room with the dream he could still feel crawling through his mind.

_Kiba._

The name brought with it a mixture of emotions that he disgustedly turned from. It was a name he had heard before. He just wasn't ready to hear it again.

Unsettled, though he wouldn't have thought as much to himself, Tsume rose to his feet, making his way to the window. It overlooked one of the town's streets. Not one of the best views, but he perhaps had seen worse. The night was coming on quickly, as the gold of the sun began to sink beneath the inky blue of twilight, dotted with silver shadows. How long had it been raining anyway? He rubbed at his forehead again. His limbs felt leaden, that dream voice resonating in his head.

_Something's wrong. Or something's going to happen. I can feel it. I don't know why or what, but I can. It's like a shaking, beating in my bones._

Though the thought did not comfort him, it made his head ease a bit. There was always something that could go wrong. Feeling his shoulder relax, Tsume let his mind wander.

The next thought he had brought back all the tension he had felt, along with it a weary kick of lead to his stomach.

_The kid and Blue, and those brothers of hers, were heading back today. I remember Hige couldn't take 'em so someone else…a friend of Cheza's…_

Tension peeled away to alarm as all his earlier feelings came back, when he had been new in his town. It had been that guy—Raphael—who had worked with Cheza; he was taking them! Instinctively, Tsume felt something snarl in him and before he knew why he was doing it, he had made his way to the door.

Stunned, he stilled his hand as it hovered over the doorknob. He was getting carried away, being irrational because of a dream and a bad feeling.

_But I never trusted _him, _that Raphael. He smelled like danger._

Without another word to himself or otherwise, he was out the door, the sound banging desolately in the rain's melody.

* * *

The sound of the phone surprised her. Not that she wasn't use to it ringing, just that its timing surprised her. She had been in the middle of trying to work out a specific sentence. So far it wasn't getting too far. From where she sat, hunched over at the hard wooden table in the high ceiling living room, Emma listened distantly to the ringing echoes of the phone. 

It rang another time, then again, followed by a third. The voice of the answering machine kicked in, its monotone words buzzing the words in her mind. It was her habit not to answer the phone 'til she knew who was calling. Odd perhaps, but effective enough by its own right.

The voice that answered was not one that she had expected. Sounding pitched, it was the voice of Blue and Toboe's aunt, the one they had come to visit. _I think her name was…Susan? Was it? _The message continued on regardless of her thoughts. The words rushed by, in a frenzied manner, wrapping around her head and chipping away at any continued thoughts of creativity Emma may have had. In a sudden rush, she struggled out of the large chair, hurrying to the already ending message. A red light blinked on the phone, alerted her to the missed message. One word still rung in her head. _Accident._

She felt her inside squish down, twisted up. Trying to regain her panic from overwhelming her, Emma found herself mindlessly picking up the phone. But who could she call? What number was there?  
Her first thought was Tsume, but she did not where he was staying. He had never said.

That was followed by Hige. Matt! Yes, he lived nearby, or close enough. She'd call him. She had to…had to get…get there. Yes.

Before she had a chance to there came another unexpected sound, this time from the door. The sound was loud and harsh, cutting through Emma's disjoined thoughts. _The door…someone's at the door…_She thought hazily.

Shaking her head, as if to clear it, she weaved her way away from the phone between the wooden chairs scattered around the dining room table. Once she had made it down the front hall, she gave herself a mental shove, sighing sadly, before she opened the door. It was not what she had expected to see. But then, it seemed the night was to be one where nothing was quite what she would expect.

Both Hige and Tsume were standing there, the former leaning forward anxiously and half-dragging her out the door before she had a chance to say anything; the latter hanging back but with a sense of tension and coiled alarm.

"Stop dragging her."

The gray eyed boy stopped, a bit self-consciously, then patted Emma insufficiently on the arm. "It's just…"

She interrupted him. "I know. I just got a call from their aunt."

A profound silence fell around them, awkward, anxious, and predictive. With a nod of his head, Tsume beckoned her then strolled off her front porch. Hige lingered behind grasping her arm almost embarrassedly.

"Tsume came and told me he thought something was up. What is it? Did something happen? You're white as sheet, Chez."

She stared at him, stunned. She had thought that he had known for sure. Wasn't that why they were here, the accident? Hadn't they come to go see if Blue and others with her were all right?

"Oh Hige."

His gray eyes watched her, curious but apprehensive as if he could feel the tension running in the air. It smelled of rain, recently stopped, the air a wet, moist blanket. The dampness made her nose itch and her eyes water. At least she wanted to believe it was. Tsume gave a yell from where he stood beside his motorcycle, bringing her attention back to the present.

Sighing, she patted Hige's arm awkwardly. "I'll tell you on the way."

* * *

It was with a very distressed Hige that the three arrived at the crash site. 

There were lights blinking almost everywhere, luminescent and bright in the steady night. In the distance the sound of sirens could be heard. There didn't look as if it had been a majorly bad accident, and there only seemed to be Raphael's dark green jeep, laying at a strange tilted angle beside the metal road stop. The sound of the ambulance's song seemed to be getting louder, muffling out the small, confused crowd of people who had formed around the site. So faraway from any major cities, any accident, however small drew the attention and concern of passing by travelers. Especially at such an odd time, in early spring night, just after twilight. They seemed to be shouting, or arguing about something. Even as she listening, she saw the object of their confusion and alarm.

It was a wolf.

There were hardly ever any wolves around here. Hardly like…this one was. Seeming disoriented by the lights and noise, the wolf turned its gaze toward her, and as it did she felt her body shudder and her feet root to the ground.

She had never seen a wolf like him, nor had ever seen on so close. Oh, she had seen them on documentaries and such; Emma had always been drawn to wolves somehow. It had never made much sense to her, this happy, insistive need to surround herself with wolves. Everything from wolf blankets, bedsheet, drapes, statuettes, fluff-stuffed ones, even t-shirts and a keychain. It had never been an effort, only an unconscious action. And yet the strangest bit of the whole thing, which she had come to realize recently, was that her feelings for wolves were not what one would most expect.

Other people would have reasons, they would admire the wolf, love the wolf's characteristics; in short, have thoughts with which to define or defend their feelings.

She had none of that.

They were wolves and what went with that was just a mental 'yay!'. When Emma had first been introduced to wolves had been quite by accident. A chance project in elementary school had sparked her love, and afterwards her feelings for wolves had flittered between highs and lows but always something a part of her yet something she had never given much thought to.

And yet, here was a wolf, standing a few feet away, staring so intently at her she felt her knees buckle.

All around was chaos, a spring night filled with flashes and loud beeping calls, shrill and alarmed. There were people around, rushing back and forth making a very brilliant light burn.

The pit of her stomach was a dead weight, cold and rigid. She couldn't move. There was too much shock and surrender running through her veins, like fire and ice, mixing in a dangerous combination. Exhilaration and happiness seemed mixed in as evenly as the despair and uncontrollable fear that was running like wildfire in her body.

_Blue…Toboe…_The worry twisted her stomach again, but she couldn't take her eyes off that wolf.

Everything else seemed so far away, distant sounds and colors in the night.

The wolf was bleeding, a thin strip right above his eye. And those eyes, she had never seen such eyes! So golden and wild, gazing right into her.

She thought she might be shaking though she couldn't really feel her body. But she wasn't afraid, just confused, startled, tense. This wolf…_he…_was a smoky white, ragged fur a mismatched shade of creamy and snowier whites with patches of dirt and burrs tangled in as well.

Everything about him seemed so familiar. Intently, she wanted to reach out to him, wrap her arms around him and brush out all the dirt.

The feeling was so potent, like a crying pull, a desperate need in her heart, she felt herself swaying. These feelings—this feeling—it was so similar, yet not the same at all, as when those distant names had floated through her head.

There had been another name, one she hadn't remembered. This one flowed and encircled, a rainy name like tears. Flecks of white snow in high places, beyond what you could see. No thoughts, just feelings. Pure, untainted, natural, salvation feeling, as if everything had been washed away, cleaned again like fresh white snow. White, so incessively white. But a pulling drive, a solid heart, despite reason drawing her on, pulling her toward this wolf with the white fur.

_Kiba_

The name came from no where and spoke to the depths of her soul. This was what that small part in her had been waiting for. She didn't know what it was but it scared her, as much as it seemed somehow natural.

Her legs finally gave out, and she fell to her knees. There seemed to be many voices calling her name.

As she stared the wolf's ears stood upright, as if he heard something she could not. He bared his teeth to some unseen shape her mind couldn't register. Then with a backwards look in her direction, he bounded off the road into the woods around. It was as though he was saying silently, _I'll be back. Wait for me._

Another loud shout, almost a curse, accompanied the action and bustle of shapes floundered after the fleeing white shape.

_Kiba._

She knew he would come back; she had heard the unspoken promise from him. He would never leave her.

It was such a nice feeling she almost felt content. But there was still a leaden sickness in her gut and a frozen chill in her limbs. She shivered despite the warm summer air.

* * *

The bright florescence lights blinked overhead. Buzzing nosy and distant static echoed over the hospital intercom. Most of the hallway was empty at this time of night. The faintly potent scent of cleaning fluid filled his nostrils, an almost too clean scent that made his growing panic mount even higher. They hadn't been able to find _him. _That animal that had appeared at the scene. 

Kiba.

The name echoed in his mind, a name he knew he remembered. In the instant he had seen that white wolf in the light of the screaming sirens of the ambulance, he had known without saying why, that that was who the wolf was. And with it had come another feeling, unexpected, but somehow so predictable. This wolf was a threat to him. Every instinct shouted it into his ears until he thought the pulsing blood in his beating arms and legs would burst, even as he felt himself shake for a moment. Even as he knew that this wolf, this Kiba, was not the one he should be shouting against. But his presence would change everything, just as it always would. As it always did.

Crushing the thought away, another took its place. _Where is she? And Hige, too? Have they got any news on that Blue-girl and the runt? _The first stirrings of true panic began to grow, rapid and fervent, taking the place of the threat in his blood. He felt his heart beating faster as he raced as calmly as he could down the hallway.

It opened into a wide waiting room. Two rows of hard seats with sea green cushions stood in the middle, small tables in front of each stacked with piles of the usual reception crap that was always there. All the seats were empty except for one. The occupant was leaning back in the chair seeming to ignore the obvious discomfort of such a thing, neck tilted back with wide eyes gazing up mindless on the lighting above.

In a rush Tsume raced over to the slouched form, asking harsher than he would have anticipated, "Where are they? Are they alright?"

Hige turned his face slowly to Tsume's hard gaze, his usually bright face seeming strained. "Dunno." He attempted to smile, but the effort lacked conviction. "When we were riding up, Blue gain conscious so that's something I guess." As if reading deeper into the other man's tightened expression Hige continued, "Doctors say they got a good chance, since help got there so fast. Everything'll be fine. Don't worry." This last part was hardly above a whisper and seemed spoken more for the speaker's own benefit then for Tsume's own comfort.

Even though Hige had turned away again, Tsume nodded, then sighed heavily. Rubbing his forehead he told himself to relax, knowing it wouldn't do any good for anyone for him to drive himself into the ground.

"Did you find the wolf?"

"No. He disappeared."

"I'm not surprised."

His eyes darted back to Hige's bent head.

"How would you know?"

The younger one gave a limp shrug of his shoulders, a slow grin spreading across his lips.

"Dunno. Just thought that, was all."

"Ah huh."

Neither said anything as the silence deepened, or at least as silent as a hospital could be. The constant clicks and beeps filled the air, somehow making the stark whiteness of the walls and floor seem even more pungent and remote.

"Where's Cheza?" The sudden rush came floundering back to him, and he couldn't keep the sudden sharpness out of his voice, as it nearly cracked. _What is wrong with me? I need to calm down._

But Hige only eyed him again beckoning with his head on down the rest of the hallway. "She went to see if there were any vending machines nearby." He paused. "Maybe she thought she'd find something for me to eat."

Tsume scowled down at him, frowning at the ease with which he had said that. "Always thinking with your stomach I see."

"Only sometimes."

The clean air was surprisingly quiet for that small, single instant, as neither of them spoke and Tsume stared down at Hige, his frown still in place.

"I'll go look for her then."

"Right. If you run into her, make sure she's got a bag of chips or something. I could use something salty."

"Of course."

* * *

He found her by the vending machines as Hige had said. Though not quite how he had half-feared, half-expected to find her. There was the large vending machine, obnoxiously lit with dull neon colors, and there she was sitting with her back against it. She still wore her lavender-red raincoat; somehow strangely clean for all the chaos before.

Cheza was merely staring ahead and did not seem to notice him as he stood there self-consciously at the end of the hall. The hallway crisscrossed with another that kept on leading onward while this side intersection ran a short distance perpendicular to it, before coming to the gleaming snack machine. Except for the soft hum of the machine's electric plugs, there were no other sounds.

_No one else around either. All alone…_The thoughts left him feeling cold and confused, the latter a feeling he always despised. But at the moment, his usual sense of priority did not win out.

Suddenly anxious for some sign from her, the leather-clad man trudged toward her, standing almost warily above as he gazed down at her. There was a trepidation lingering in his limbs, a sudden sparked feeling having nothing to do with the strain from earlier. He felt a rush to his heart, as though panicked but he knew he was not afraid. It was as if this moment hung on a thin edge, the blade point of a knife, the thread of a tightrope, dangerously close but teetering unsurely.

A strong stretch of silence followed until she finally looked up at him.

Her eyes were so wide and red-streaked around the edges, from crying no doubt, she looked nearly frightened, blasted to her last defense. Her expression shot him through the heart. The feeling was not unexpected, after all, they had all cared for her in their own way, yet somehow something in the beat of his heart made it feel different.

Tsume crouched beside her, watching her with carefully guarded eyes but badly veiled open concern. At the hard gentleness in his eyes, she blinked at him then the edges of her mouth pulled upward in a tiny effort at her more normal atmosphere.

"That wolf…" Cheza's voice came out quiet and slightly hoarse, cutting through the silence. He felt his hackles rising, knowing without knowing why what it was she was going to say. Instead she surprised him.

"It doesn't really matter. Right now I mean." She attempted to smile again, and this attempt seemed a bit more sincere. "Thank you, Tsume." With those words she rested her head gingerly against his shoulder as it hovered right at the same height, sighing huskily then relaxing, leaning her full weight on him.

Stunned, he peered down at her then back down the short hallway. _No one around. _The beating in his heart had grown louder, and he felt it in every breath he took. He clenched his right hand into a tight fist, a part of the arm she was _not _leaning on. The palms felt vaguely hot.

He watched her again, eyebrows drawn tight, half squinting at her, hoping in his heart to find, maybe see, what it was that kept him here. What it was that called him? For surely, _he _was not the one who should have been searching. That was a task left to _him, _left to Kiba. And yet…he had come all the way here, going on whatever shreds of instinct he still had. He had always told himself it was that uncompromised wolf-instincts that had drawn him here, to this center where somehow they had all found each other again. But now as he sat here, his legs starting to cramp in the awkward position, he knew that it was more than that.

He relaxed as well, slumping to the floor beside her. The action jarred her resting head a moment, but she coiled back again, her cheek rubbing against his bare shoulder. As he watched her he felt an odd softness growing in him. Watched her as herself, as Emma Starr, the girl who had so indignantly batted with him when he had first seen her. Her short hair had grown out over the last few months he had known her, the pale ginger shade highlighted in the neon glow behind them. It made her look so much more fragile to him, though he knew she would never like to hear that, but in spite of that he felt his heart tremble at the imagery as if a dam had suddenly burst inside him and had come racing forth to drown him in its wild current.

"Em?" She stirred and peered up at him through lidded eyes, seeming startled by the use of her real name.

"Yes, Tsume?"

Her words jogged something in his mind, something he had been meaning to tell her but somehow had never had the heart to openly admit. He had told the runt of course, making him swear not to tell anyone else, though why the forceful pressure he wasn't sure. Maybe he just liked to keep his privacy to himself. But the words merely flowed out of him, trickles of the dam that had burst.

"My name, my real name, is Jonathan."

"Jonathan." Hearing her voice say the word, in her soft but absolutely vibrant tone, a lively dancing melody, reached through to his heart and nearly made him shiver.

"Well, thank you again."

"For what?"

A real smile this time, though a small one, graced her features from the odd angle he was looking at her.

"For being here." The smile faded as her lips turned downward and her brow bit together almost in seeming concentration. "Everything…seems so confusing now..." Her voice trailed off for a moment but before he had a chance to speak again, she found the words she had been trying to find. "This feeling…what am I suppose to do about it? This beating in my heart, so painful, but so a part of who I am. As if there's this moment I've been waiting for, to finally see him again. He's been trying so hard to find me and I didn't even know." The crack of her voice made her stutter and his heart break, or nearly so, at the hitch in her tone. "And how could I know? I'm not…I'm not…its jest…" Her small shoulders shook against him and clutched at his gray shirt holding onto it tightly.

So close to him, Tsume saw the tears starting in her eyes, both of them squinted shut as though to keep the tears from flowing. She didn't want to cry, that much was clear, but her constitution seemed to be breaking.

Her voice seemed to clear enough to understand her through her hitching breath and struggle not to cry. "What tem I suppose to do? Ah'm not…ah'm nut…" She trailed off again and then really burst out.

She wasn't crying very loudly but the sounds of it, so close to his ears left him stunned. He almost felt his limbs were shaking, though from anger or sympathy he would never be able to remember.

_I won't let her suffer like this. I can't…let her. For the sake of my sanity. For the sake of my heart…_

Wrapping his arms around her he pulled Cheza to his chest letting her fall into his lap. She didn't seem to notice, merely kept clinging to him. He patted her head, stroking her hair softly then kissed her without thinking on the forehead. His actions hardly registered to him at the moment, right now all that mattered was her happiness, all that mattered was her.

"It's all right, Em. It'll be all right." The words did not sound particularly helpful but they were all he could think of. This tremendous, beautiful, funny girl was not Cheza. Or rather she wasn't the Cheza Kiba had once known. She was a human, not a flower maiden, and so was he. They were both human.

The realization made him gulp nervously as he thought back on those so-called wolf instincts that had led him here.

Ever since he had been old enough to think rationally, Tsume had been certain that there was something out there, away from where he lived, that was quietly waiting for him. His common sense told him he was being foolish, ridiculously stubborn but the feeling had remained, all through the rest of his life. There was a woman he was searching for, because she had been taken away from him, and some part of him had known that if he had found her, he would find these others that floated just beyond his conscious reckoning. And then he had. All he had had to find her had been a name and a gut-feeling. Not normally to be the one to follow through on such impulses this one had won out in the end.

But since he had met Cheza, he had felt something changing in his feelings. She was charming, silly and as sweet as he somehow remembered, though she'd certainly smack him for saying such to her. Or perhaps not? Either way, without him noticing, she had stolen his heart.

"You're Amelia Starr. Just be who you are." The words simply came to him, as easily as his realization had, murmuring steadily from inside him.

She had abruptly stopped crying and was now only whimpering softly into him, face buried into his chest.

He didn't know what else he could say, or more importantly why he was precisely bothering, but she silently him as she spoke, rising her head gingerly off his chest.

"Thank you…Jonathan."

* * *

_continue on to...gravity of truth (part 2)_


	6. gravity of truth :part 2

**Disclaimer: **dido as part one.

**A/N: **The final part of this chapter might seem a bit odd, but that's the way it was suppose to be when I first came up with the story. If I'm really lucky I'll finish this story before August. Just one more chapter to go! Yay! I wonder how many more reviews I'll get… Also, I _**know **_that this certainly isn't the best writing ever, nor deeply interesting…but it was fun writing it, since the story's coming to a close soon. Then I can lay back and let it simmer. Yay! And, wow, Kiba's part sure got bigger than I had planned. Yay! (again) (I seem to be saying that alot)

* * *

gravity of truth (part 2) 

_"You would have thought we'd learned you can't make promises all based upon tomorrow_

_Happiness, security, are words we only borrowed…"_

-This Isn't What We Meant (Savatage)

When they had returned there was a stranger standing there, in the strikingly white waiting room. There looked as if there had been others as well, from the indifferently abandoned purse that lay near Hige's foot, but they were nowhere now in sight.

The stranger stood near Hige, who was still slumped backwards as Emma had last seen him. At the memory, she clasped the bag of pretzels to her breasts, having been reminded by Tsume. She always wanted to be helpful, to soothe others' pain and discomfort and yet, she had to be reminded to do even the smallest deeds.

_Well, it's not like any of us are acting particularly normal. _The thought seemed sudden but it was true. Hige was merely sitting in a kind of gloom, she couldn't seem to control her feelings and Tsume was being so nice.

Hige's drooping form did not seem to notice them, as the two of them approached. Oddly, Tsume seemed to be holding back, as if he was reluctant.

Puzzled, she gave him a side glance, which he only partly ignored. Tapping Hige gingerly on the shoulder, she deposited the pretzel bag to his lap in answer, as his gray eyes looked up into hers with inquiry.

After a stunned moment, he gave her a brief grin, as if in a silent thank you, before turning his attention to opening the small bag.

Only then did Emma let her eyes fully take in the stranger, now standing across from her.

The stranger's eyes had followed her every movement, their turquoise depths speaking volumes that struck some primordial cord in her vaguely defined sense of self. There was an intensity in those eyes, a wild, needless attraction that made her shiver without thinking, yet had nothing to do with the attraction she was use to. It seemed to be saying, in some silent, unspoken, but loudly yelling way, _"I am here! I am here." _It was like the untainted call of a wild animal.

She had never been one to spend much time in the great outdoors, though she enjoyed nature; she just had never been the kind of girl who liked to rough it out in the wilderness. Perhaps it was inevitable, but under his gaze, she felt slightly ashamed of that fact. Surely, if _he _was there, this stranger, she wouldn't have any need to worry?

Startled by her thought, she shook her head as if to banish the feelings that were brewing inside her.

They were so similar to the ones she had felt before, merely hours before when she had seen that wolf. Only this time it seemed—it felt—so much more persistent, more like an unconscious beating, burning, birthing in her blood. Before she had a chance to speak, to say what was on her mind or what was in her heart, Tsume spoke instead.

"You're Kiba, aren't you? That wolf we saw."

_A wolf? He certainly didn't look like one at all. _

Tsume's words also brought Hige's attention back to them.

"En 'olf?" he asked, mouth filled with pieces of pretzels.

Emma repressed a smirk at the younger man's expression. Though she thought he didn't look quite as puzzled as she felt.

Batting at Tsume's arm, almost without thinking, she said, through a forced kind of cheery indifference, "He's not a wolf. He doesn't look like one."

"You're saying then, this is Kiba." Hige spoke at the same time she did.

Tsume gave the seated man a sideways look, before nodding slowly. "At least…it makes sense doesn't it?" His gold eyes slanted in some untold emotion, perhaps suspicion, as he peered across at this supposed wolf.

Shaking off what the silver-haired man was saying, Emma turned instead to Hige, who was also staring at the stranger-who-might-be-a-wolf though his expression seemed more wistful, as if something was happening that he wasn't sure of but that some deep part of him had expected someday. His expression made her uneasy. It was almost as if… Absently she rubbed her elbows, chilled despite her raincoat. It was so similar to how she almost felt…and yet nothing like what she felt…she was sure of it! Who was this stranger?

At the thought, she turned her eyes back to him, to find the stranger, this _Kiba, _still staring at her. She blinked back and then she remembered. Or she remembered the name. She didn't how she could have forgotten. There was more beneath it, things that were white and shining, singing voices, and a tall dark twisted shape.

_Kiba. He was the wolf…the white wolf who was waiting for me…who was searching for…for me?_

Puzzled and a bit self-consciously, she bit on her lower lip, but before she could venture out another question to find some kind of understanding in this strange little tableau of stretched feelings, the moment was interrupted.

"Excuse me"

It looked like a doctor, with his trademark white coat, followed by two others, who she took after a moment of staring to be Toboe and Blue's aunt and uncle.

_The one's they were here visiting. _

"There doesn't seem to have been any real danger, just some cuts and bruises." The doctor himself seemed puzzled. "It was an unusual case. Only the driver's side was attacked…by that animal."

Tsume had an odd smirk on his face, as he eyed Kiba. The other man seemed immune to the silver-haired man's strange mood, staring stoically ahead. Without meaning to, Emma found herself eyeing this alleged Kiba, some thread in her beckoning to fully remember, for whatever it was that wanted to be remember to fully awaken for her truly to see it. It was unsettling to say the least, not to mention vaguely irritating. Pouting, she realized after a moment, that she had missed part of what the doctor had said.

Doctors. She had never liked them. They had always seemed so distant, full of ill humor and bad news; no she had never much cared for them.

Hige nudged her side.

"He says he thinks we can go visit. Seems to be rather amazed that they're all right."

"Of course they are." Kiba must have heard them, saying with solid assurance. "Of course they are. I wasn't trying to hurt them."

Staring at him, Emma felt some untold feeling clutch around her heart. It was less wild than before, less demanding, and less persistent. It was merely like a call, a quiet little call that she couldn't deny anymore than she could breathe. And yet, more than that, it was a vibrantly sweet, earnest thing; that was all it was. It was simply a part of who she was.

Without realizing what she was doing, she smiled at this stranger, at this Kiba, the first pure smile she had had it seemed in a long time. In this brief moment her troubles didn't seem to bother her. That her writing was struggling, that her life path seemed to be lost, that there were changes in her life that were making the sense around her crack and break; none of it seemed to matter, or at least it didn't seem so bad. Life was about merely existing, and that was what he was. He was, this Kiba, he was existing, just like her, beating with the same rhythm as her. And it made her smile.

Kiba returned the gesture, and there was something sweet in it, so unrestricted, that it made her smile even more.

Realizing that the others had already begun walking down the hall the doctor had come from, she gave Kiba a small shrug, as if embarrassed and followed.

The turquoise-eyed man came in beside her, closer than she was generally comfortable with, but somehow with him she didn't seem to mind.

"I finally found you Cheza."

Despite all the stress and alarm of the last few hours, she found herself suddenly appeased, in some deep way Tsume had been unable to reach. She found herself smiling yet again. For the moment, whatever fears she had were silenced.

"Yes you did Kiba."

There was a light in his eyes that seemed so warm, brighter than she had seen them yet, as if he had finally come home, and it made her serenely happy to see it.

* * *

Blue looked quite annoyed about the whole thing. 

She was talking animatedly to Hige, who was watching her in turn with an intense concentration in his eyes, as if he wanted to memorize everything she said. Watching them, it made him glad for everything he gone through to get here, to be with them all again. And yet…

Kiba glanced around him, the scent of the place stinging his nose. There was Cheza of course. She had seemed upset earlier but he could tell something had changed and he was glad of it. None of the others seemed quite aware of what was going on, except maybe Tsume. Even Cheza did not seem to really understand who he was. He almost thought Hige did, but he wasn't sure. And even Tsume seemed…a bit backwards than he should have been. It was puzzling.

To the others in the room, it looked as if his face was scrunched up in a serious, thoughtful expression. There were definitely things that needed to be said.

A woman he didn't recognize came up to him, her lighter blue eyes curious, but he could smell the caution on her skin.

"Who are you? Are you a friend?"

"I'm Kiba."

That obviously did _not _seem to be what she wanted to hear.

The woman watched him warily, about to open her mouth, but Cheza came to his rescue.

"Uh, he's a friend. He just got here tonight. He's um…a friend of mine. Yes." Her head nodded dynamically, as if to emphasis the point. The woman watched Cheza with torn feelings, then seemed to give in.

"All right, fine. Bert and I are going to the next room, where Michael and the twins are."

Kiba didn't quite understand what the woman was saying but he nodded politely anyway because he felt that was what she wanted. Cheza followed suit.

In moments, they had left, leaving the wolf feeling a bit freer than before.

The other occupant of the room, who he supposed was Toboe, was watching Kiba with interest in his hazel eyes.

"Who's that?"

"Huh? Oh that's Kiba." Hige said without a second thought, waving distantly behind him.

"Kiba?" Toboe gave Hige a weird look that went back to staring at him. "That's an odd name," he added, this time directing his words to Kiba.

The wolf stared back.

"I've been searching for all of you."

His words and the solemnness of his tone, made all eyes turn toward him. A blue pair of confused uncertainty. A set of gray eyes with bemused interest. Hazel eyes of thoughtful inspiration. A pair of golden eyes filled with ambiguous distrust. And of course, her eyes. They were watching him, somewhere between peaceful contentment and churning insecurity.

"I've been searching for you a long time."

Tsume was the first to break the silence.

"What hell does that mean?"

He found himself quietly amused, not so much by Tsume's hostility but by the nagging look Toboe gave him, as if silently telling the older man to be nicer.

Scratching his head, Hige turned his attention more immediately to the discussion, saying, "So what are you anyway? Kiba, right?" He looked thoughtful a moment. "Well, I already knew that…odd, isn't it?" The question seemed more directed at himself. Shaking himself, Hige continued. "Anyway, are you a wolf, or a human?"

Nodding slowly, Kiba answered quietly, "It's hard to explain. I'm not even sure I can explain it myself. I know I'm a wolf; I've always been one for as long as I can remember, but there are other ways…other ways of appearing." Even as he said it, he was bitten with a twinge of uncertainty. Surely _this _was what he had been running so hard to fine. Sometimes it all felt like a dream, some hazy memory in a rain-washed world, but these feelings, this _rightness, _this assurance despite everything, told him, in some deep part of himself, that he was right.

"I hadn't thought a wolf would do something like that," Hige murmured, "I thought they'd have too much, I don't know, pride or something."

Kiba bared his teeth in what appeared to them as a human grin.

"Pride doesn't count for much if you're dead."

The now human Hige watched him, with a slight smirk on his face which broke out into a wide smile.

"I like this fellow, whatever the heck he is!"

Something in those words seemed to break a tension that had gently begun to build unobtrusively in the air, leaving it clearer. Kiba found himself happy for the first time in what seemed a long time.

* * *

It had been two weeks after the accident, and Blue, Roger, the twins and Michael had returned to the farmhouse. A small celebration had occurred, rather against Susan's will, but he thought it had probably been for the best. None of them were the worse for the experience, accident or not, and that was something to be glad for. It _had_ been quite a spectacle on Susan's behalf, trying her hardest to make the best of the situation. Of course, without a doubt there were many things to be grateful for. Blue, her brothers' and Roger's well-being the topmost. Though for the other reasons behind the accident somehow or other they had decided it would be best to stay. At least for awhile. 

Bert himself was still not clear on what was really going on. He knew that the other three were friends, or something of that sort, of his nephew and niece but who that new fourth member was he didn't know. There was something undeniably…different about him. What did he say his name was? Kiba, was it? The name wasn't precisely familiar but it made his nose itch.

After the others had left, she was still sitting there. Susan had gone out earlier, probably expecting to find Emma out there with the rest of them, but the girl was still inside. There was an awkward tenseness in the air, at least at his end, as he tried rather unobtrusively to wash the dishes.

Out of the corner of his eye he watched the young girl, Emma. She was delicately built and usually sat, the few times he had seen her around the months before, with a meticulous posture. But right now that meticulous posture was horridly off and she slouched solemnly across the countertop at the round kitchen table.

Realizing that he was staring oddly he turned his eyes back to the soapy water before him.

The sink was a shiny metal, carefully cleaned topped to the brim with whiteness blue bubbles. From outside a trickle of light made them seem to glow with the iridescent shine of a rainbow. Through the watery whiteness and colors he could see his hands. They were ordinary hands, of course. He was no one special. Always trying his hardest, he took pleasure in the simple things of life. Working with his hands, such as he was doing now, or something like that. It was the little things that made life so full. And then naturally for him there was Susan.

Bert could hardly remember how it was they had ever met. A freak chance and then he had been unable to forget her. Following her, trying to win her for a second date took more persistence than even he had thought he had. But there had been a determination, a steadfast certainty that _she _was the one for him, and he'd go to any lengths to make her happy. Somehow, he had won her, an amazing event yet somehow so expectant. He never dwelled on such thoughts often, but recent had made him think a bit more about his life.

It had been a happy one, if difficult at times, but he wouldn't change it for anything. As long as he had Susan, everything would be all right.

He glanced up from the soapy water and his wayward inner thoughts, to find the girl Emma still sitting there. She seemed sadder than before. Normally considering the circumstances he could understand, but everything had turned out all right. Everyone was all right, if a little sore. No damage, except perhaps on financial money and a little behind in school but really there was nothing else to worry about. So why did she look so sad?

Before he had time to fathom what he was doing, he found his voice calling out, across the kitchen, "Why so down? Surely there's nothing to feel about. Everything's fine now."

Startled, Emma glanced at him, remaining silent.

Feeling as startled as her, Bert blinked, a bit self-consciously.

"It's just…you look so sad." He felt foolish saying it but it was true. She didn't look like the kind of girl who should be that distressed; it somehow felt wrong. "Why aren't you out with the others? Surely you'd rather be out with them then in here with…someone like me?" Some unspoken emotion hovered beneath his words, something he couldn't quite place. He gently shrugged in off, mentally dismissing it.

Emma gave me a slim half-smile from where she sat, one side of her mouth curving upward.

"You're not so bad to be around. But it's not you…and it's not them. Not exactly anyway. I'm not too sure myself…" She fell silent, biting her lip, eyes averted.

He waited patiently for her to continue. There was no reason for him to, but he wanted to help.

"It's just…I'm not sure of myself. Of who I am. Where I'm going. I have goals…I mean everyone does, but there's all these…_new…_feelings, things I can't explain and I just…I feel so confused." Giving him a weak, almost self-pitying grin, she continued on in a voice that seemed to say she was sorry for troubling him. "I don't know _why _I'm bothering you with this, or even what I mean I just…"

"You just don't know what do to, is that it?"

She stared at him, then slowly nodded, unsure.

Feeling put on, he murmured, turning his eyes back to the dishes in front of him. His hands were certainly going to get wrinkled after all this time. "It's just," he paused, looking for whatever words he wanted to say. "Everyone gets lost sometime. It's how you handle it that changes things. You just have to faith you can make it to the end of the road. You just have to believe you can."

The smile she gave now seemed bit more genuine.

"Is that what you always told yourself?"

"Something like it, though I never said it as such."

A short silence followed, filled with the sound of natural noises, the ticking of the clock, the hum of the already full dishwasher; comforting, normal sounds. The sound of a chair scraping the tiled floor brought his attention back.

"I'll think about it."

* * *

"I don't believe him." 

Tsume's assertion was seconded by Kiba, who nodded in a solemn kind of approval. The youngest of the five of them, watched the two with disdain.

"You can't be serious," Toboe scolded. "He didn't mean it. It was accident."

From the barn's unused stalls, blue eyes watched the proceedings with a hesitant interest. Lying nearby was Hige, who seemed more interested in tormenting the small mouse that had come into the barn unaware and was even now being poked into a tight corner of stone by a long branch.

"And Hige leave that poor mouse alone!" Toboe demanded.

The gray-eyed boy scowled, but stopped his pursuit anyway.

Turning back to the serious faces around him, he stretched his shoulders, saying "Who really cares? I mean why should it matter if Raphael caused the accident or not? So it was his car, well, whoop-de-doo. Whatever. I don't think it makes any kind of difference."

Toboe visibly cringed at that very bad attempt, at least in his view, of any kind of defense. He didn't know why Tsume and Kiba seemed so determined to attack Emma's friend.

"It's more than that." Kiba's tone held a particular kind of calm, but there was an edge of panic to his voice as well. "I felt it. That…dark corruption. I could smell it. That's why I tried to stop it."

"Well, that didn't do much good, did it?" He knew he was a being a bit hard-tempered but he couldn't help it. The auburn haired boy couldn't understand why everyone seemed so intent on being mean.

Admittedly, the white wolf looked embarrassed about Toboe's outburst, scratching absently at his dark brown hair. "I know that, but I had to do _something_."

Feeling a bit bad about what he had said, Toboe added, "But you haven't explained _why _Raphael should be a threat? He's only Cheza's friend."

"I didn't like him the minute I saw him. There's something about him…" Tsume didn't let his sentence finish, but Kiba nodded as if he had.

"I've never met this 'Raphael' but there's something around him that smells…of something dangerous."

"How do you know it's him and not someone else? Someone else who may have used the car before he did?" The calm voice of reason, cut through the air. Blue was watching them all, her namesake eyes beneath folded brows.

"That's right." Nodding vigorously, Toboe pointed in his cousin's direction. "She's right you know."

Kiba looking swayed, but Tsume only scowled.

"Who else does _he _know, other than Emma?"

The silver-haired man's question was followed by silence. Unwittingly all eyes turned to Hige, watching them from the floor.

"What?"

"You're the only one who lived here long enough, idiot. What do you think?"

Grinning, Hige rose to a sitting position, facing Tsume.

"How the hell should I know? I've only just met the guy." As an afterthought he added, "I _do _think he has a brother. An older one. Cheza told me that."

Golden eyes looked skeptically at Hige, one eyebrow raised. "You're saying it's his brother?"

"Yes, but what is _it_?" Toboe hadn't mean to interrupt, but it was really gnawing at him. Both Tsume and Kiba seemed to feel there was some kind of threat, whether it was Raphael or not didn't seem to matter as much as there was _something. _Even Hige seemed to feel something. It was like being deaf and knowing there were sounds he was missing but not knowing what it was. It made him nervous. "You keep saying, the 'dangerous dark wrongness' but that doesn't mean anything to me. Nothing I really understand, anyway."

"Yes." Blue echoed her cousin's sentiment. "At least explain it."

"I can't." The way Kiba said it made it sound as if he wished he could but that this was something, somehow, he could not explain. "I'm not even sure, just that I knew I had to find her. There's something bad, something out there. We can't let him take it away, take away what we have."

"What _are _you talking about?" This came from Hige, who was staring at Kiba in confusion. "Do you mean our families are in danger from this bad stuff? Is that what you mean?"

Near the stalls, Blue's head jerked up at attention, more alert than she had been.

"I don't believe so." He sounded quite sure of himself, and after a moment gave a dim smile than seemed out of place on Kiba's face. "It's not about them. Just us."

"Then what is the dark stuff gonna take?" Hige asked.

"Paradise."

The word brought with it a tingle down his spine, a trickle of excitement that seemed born of wind and grass and wild flowers. Though the moment was spoiled by Tsume's loud bark of laughter.

"Yer kidding, right?" He watched Kiba as if he thought the wolf was trying to make a bad joke. "You can't be serious."

Kiba actually looked mildly hurt by the silver-haired man's words.

"Tsume…"

Whatever the wolf may have said was interrupted by a shrill shriek, just outside the barn. It sounded more startled then afraid, more put out then concerned.

Kiba gave a shout of, "Cheza!" before he dashed back out the door, faster than any of the others. Stunned, they followed him as fast as they could.

"Damn." Tsume swore, standing there a moment before following behind.

What met their eyes was perhaps the oddest thing Toboe had yet seen in his life. Emma, seeming unconscious, was being held tightly by the nape of her neck, dangling there loosely, only a few yards away as if she was a broken toy. It seemed a bizarre place to hold someone, Toboe couldn't help thinking. The man in question was dressed in black, his skin a dark shade as well, with eyes that seemed unfocused. He didn't seem to be aware that they were there; he merely continued muttering to himself in a strained whisper.

Listening as hard as he could, Toboe still couldn't hear anything the odd man was saying.

"That's it! That's it." Kiba growled, as if that outburst explained everything. None of the others were paying much attention to him. Blue looked alarmed, while Hige seemed confused, gray eyes darting back from where they had come and back again as if he couldn't quite get his mind around what was happening. Tsume merely looked pissed off. And Toboe mostly felt unsettled, as if some giant alarm was going off in his gut but one he couldn't quite understand.

Before anyone else could make a move, Kiba dove at the dark man, his illusion melting away in a moment. The stranger didn't seem to see the white wolf but held up his other arm, the free one and bashed it against Kiba's colliding form. The following sound thundered with a loud crack, knocking Kiba into the short grass.

Concerned, Toboe's eyes darted back toward the back door of the house, but neither his aunt nor uncle were in sight. That in itself, surprisingly, puzzled him more than anything that had happened. Another shout, this one from Blue, made him turn back in time to see the strange black man running off into the nearby woods, carrying Emma in his arms.

Kiba rose with a snarl, obviously intent on following.

"Easy." There was an edge to Hige's voice. "You can't go barreling all through town trying to find him."

"I can try."

"Yeah, but people'd only call the cops. _I _live here you might remember, so I've got an idea where he went."

"Who was that?" Toboe wasn't sure why he asked, but he felt he had to, to do something about the tenseness in the air.

"That was Raphael's brother I think." Giving a grim grin, Hige sighed. "Who knew? Blue was right."


	7. a kind of paradise

**Disclaimer**: I don't own 'Wolf's Rain' and I naturally I'm not getting anything off this (do you think I would?) I own the ideas of what happens via plot but that should be obvious…

**A/N**: I merely couldn't stand it. I had most of the final chapter written anyway, long before now, so I had to finish it. I'm glad it's finally over. Now I can sit back and let the story fade into obscurity. Yes… I'm impressed that it took me a 5 month period (June doesn't count since I wasn't home almost that whole month) to write a 5 chapter story (7 parts in all). Max reviews are probably 16 I believe. Enjoy!

* * *

a kind of paradise 

"_and every prayer we pray at night has somehow lost its meaning_

_for is this the answer to our prays?_

_is this what god has sent?_

_please understand, this isn't what we meant"_

-This Isn't What We Meant (Savatage)

Darkness all around, soft velvet black and complete. There is a calm stillness to the air, as if something is waiting. No moon can be seen through the dark sky. All that can be seen against the blackness is a deeper shade of the black, jutting up jagged from the hazy shadow. It is a deserted street, most of the lights in the houses are out, resting beside the gravel pit that in summer months is filled with rainwater and left over snow, giving the children of this small town a highlight of their, to their minds, drab lives. But it is not summer, though it is not faraway but right now a cold April wind blows through the night. It must be almost midnight as the tiny band approached the towering three story house.

It looks like something out of a horror story, black gate knocking in the wind, the shutters banging and clanking together, the entire house almost at a tilted angle as if the architecture who built it had seen the world slightly different than others. In the lack of light it looked like a looming giant next to the tiny ranches nearby. A huge rock wall surrounded the land, but Hige thought he could smell a scent of weeds, maybe a breed of wildflower, the remnants of an unkempt garden.

He said so to Kiba, who took the incentive to sniff cautiously at the air. Out of the five of them, he alone still had his canine senses, while the rest of them were only human.

"There was a garden of some kind here, though the smell is faint. It smells like dark flowers." Before anyone could question that, Kiba took another whiff. "Almost like the darkness of a new moon."

Tsume snorted, in obvious disbelief. "You don't expect us to believe that the _moon _has different scents, do ya?"

No one answered his retort. Kiba stared stonily ahead and Hige had a brief thought if Kiba really could show emotion in quite the same way as humans. Blue kept her eyes has the house, but her namesake eyes darted back in Tsume's direction, a mixture of anger and fear mingled there that made Hige's heart went out to her. This wasn't easy on her, heck, it wasn't easy on anyone of them except maybe Kiba. Well, no that wasn't entirely true either…

Toboe spoke after a moment. His voice was quieter than usual, somehow seeming more so in the night gloom, "I don't know if it really matters, Tsume. I mean, _she's _in there, isn't she? So, whatever it is we have to do something, right?" He sounded unsure of himself. Blue came to her cousins defense, before Tsume could say any other derogatory remarks, though secretly Hige doubted Tsume had the heart to reprimand Toboe anymore.

"Of course you're right, Rog. Cheza is in there and we're here to rescue her."

Hige sensed the fear inherit in her voice, an unspoken trembling dread. _Of what, _he wondered, _of not seeing things through. Of losing someone else she loves, just like she did back then…_ The memories were still hazy, at least his were. He didn't know if the others had as much trouble discerning what had happened and what their lives had been like then, but for him the whole load of memories were more jumbled and disjoined than making any sense. But he did remember them, that much he knew, that much he was certain of.

Scowling, Tsume regarded Blue with a jarring glare, eyebrows drawn tight. "And how do you propose we do that, Ms. WinterBlue?"

"Well, something! It's better than standing how here, waiting to be noticed!" she snapped back.

"Quiet." Kiba's stern but soft voice cut through the tension. "We don't have the time to fight. We'll try and see if there's a back way in." With that he trotted off, following the winding arc of the stone walls.

Grumbling, Tsume followed sullenly, trailed by Toboe who jogged after the other two.

Hige was about to follow when he saw Blue hanging back.

"What is it, Blue?"

Her eyebrows were drawn together as she chewed on her lip. "How can you call me that?"

Stunned, he gave her a funny look. "Because that's who you are. That's what everyone, even Toboe, calls you."

"But I…I'm not just Blue."

"Of course not." Stuffing his hands in his pockets, Hige observed her with a renewed scrutiny. "What's this got to with anything, Blue?"

She hung her head, clenching her fist tightly as she did so. "I haven't…remembered much, just bits and pieces of things. Some of it was so wonderful. Some of it was horrible. But really I don't think I want to remember any more. But that's not the point is it." Her head rose abruptly, black hair drawn into her eyes. "What if we can't do it? What if he hurts Cheza? What if something bad happens…like…before?" Her voice winked out, and her blue eyes strayed away from his.

He knew what she is saying; he could feel the impending doom, an ugly stain, ready and willing to wipe them out. But he also felt something else. Steady and delicate, almost only an ephemeral feeling that despite all the darkness of the night gave him strength, a gentle strength to simply believe. There is still hope.

Without thinking his feet stride back to her, grasping her clenched fist in his hands. "You're right, Blue. But there's something else as well. We're here together, all of us. And that has to count for something, doesn't it?"

Her blue eyes stared across at him widening slowly. They softened after a moment and her mouth parted in a weak smile. "Yeah, Hige. We're still here, we're still here and we're together." Unexpectantly, her arms wrapped around his shoulders. She hugged him for only a brief moment but it was enough to give them both renewed strength. Placing his hand gently on her back, he pulled her close for a brief hug of his own. And then they parted and hurried on to follow the others.

Blue was ahead of him when a cold shaft of air shook his nose. The scent was bizarre, sour but sweet, a strange concoction of burning leaves and baking cookies. As though sensing his pause, Blue turned back, peering over her shoulder at him.

"Hige?"

"Blue, I think…I smell something. Can you try and get the others?"

She stared at him a moment, then nodded and took off around the bend the others had disappeared behind a few minutes before.

His eyes unwittingly follow her progress until she is out of sight. It seems as if he can never seem to get enough of her, her company, her presence, her voice, even as her memory nags at his mind, driving him into mindless daydreaming. _I wonder if this is what love is like? _He chuckled to himself, before abruptly remembering the situation. Embarrassed despite his solitude, Hige sniffed again for the scent. It's still as strong as before. On instinct, he followed the smell to the great looming wall. The stones felt cold to his touch, and he ran his fingers across the surface. They seemed caked in a musky layer of dirt. As he moved along, hardly half a foot from where he was he found the source of the unusual scent. There is a broken hole in the wall. It runs from the height of his waist to the ground, almost a foot in width. Investigating, he surmised that it might be a tight fit, but it also might be better than looking for a door that might not even be there or even be open.

In a seemingly short while, they are all huddled around Hige's new find.

Toboe seemed delight with it. "What luck! We can sneak it right through here. Good job, Hige."

He couldn't repress a grin of pleasure, what could he say, he liked praise?

Blue on the other hand, eyed the hole with dislike. "Are you sure? I mean, I don't know how safe it is…besides it's filthy." Her nose wrinkled in disgust.

"It's the best chance we have." Kiba seemed certain of his words.

Giving a sigh of surrender, Blue gave Kiba a wry look. "I know that. I was only kidding."

"She's just a clean freak." Toboe added in. His cousin gave him a small smack on his shoulder which Toboe wasn't expecting. He tumbled a bit backwards, more from shock than force, butting into Tsume.

"Watch it."

Hige couldn't help but grin. Here they were, supposedly trying to rescue Cheza, the kind of thing you'd think would require daring and know-how, a serious attitude and yet they were still themselves. They were only kids mostly, none of them even over twenty, though he wasn't entirely sure what human years were to Kiba. Either way, it was nice to see them still having a semblance of themselves.

Kiba didn't seem to feel the same way, glaring hard at Toboe and Tsume. "We don't have time to dawdle."

A pale eyebrow rose, as Tsume stared the hole up and down. He turned to Kiba in a stiff way. "You don't really expect us to go in there, do you?"

The gaze Kiba sent Tsume bordered at warning, as if the he was hovering on unacceptable territory. The tension rose, and the three others could sense it. Hige wriggled his nose. Ever since they had first encountered Kiba, Tsume had taken up every defense he had, snapping unnecessarily at anything the wolf said, denying it out right. Even now, though Tsume didn't say it, Hige was sure he was the older man was silently fuming and blaming Kiba for what had happened to Chez. After all, the argument stood, if they had never met Kiba, would they have run into _him, _as well?

The other two seemed to follow his thoughts, exchanging worried glances. Toboe attempted to pacify the growing tension, saying as cheerfully as he could. "C'mon guys, we have to hurry. That's what you've been saying Kiba. And you want to get in there as fast as you can, right Tsume? So…let's just hurry."

The two didn't seem to hear him, and the longer they sized each other up, the stronger an uneasiness began to grow in Hige's stomach. It wasn't like the itchy, somewhat scratchy feeling that bothered his throat, no this was something deeper. A dark pit floundering in his belly, flip flopping in a nervous way, anxious and ready to drown out his memories, the feelings rushed up to his head, making him dizzy. He leaned against the cool stone, breathing heavy. What was this strange feeling?

Only Blue seemed to notice.

"Hige…are you alright?"

He gave her a weak grin. "Yeah, sure. I just wish Tsume would trust me."

At his last words, the air had grown oddly silent, allowing his voice to rebound, seemingly the only sound in the night. With a start, he found he they were all staring at him, Toboe in puzzlement, Blue in concern, Kiba in avid seriousness, and Tsume simply unreadable.

"Hey, hey, guys. Chill out." He tried to keep his voice light but in the back of his throat he felt a dark wave, ready to drown him in black waters.

Tsume stared the longest at him and Hige felt his throat itch uncontrollably as he did. The other man seemed to be weighting something on his mind, and as Hige watched, really watched him, he saw the uncertainty in the other's eyes, a soft glaze almost indiscernible from the cold irritation and distant front. He was as worried as the rest of them, but there was something else bothering Tsume, something, he felt quite sure of, had to do with him. But what? What was it Tsume had remembered that he hadn't? Hige's heart clenched a moment, in irrational fear but then he saw the uncertainty melt out of Tsume's eyes.

Giving an annoyed sigh, Tsume muttered, "Fine. Whatever. Let's just get this over with."

Kiba nodded in acceptance of something those two seemed to remember. From out of no where the darkness in at the back of Hige's throat floated away and it seemed as if a shadow that had been preying unconsciously on his mind and heart, maybe even his soul, simply vanished. Without hesitation he followed Kiba under the crumbling hole, into the darkness beyond.

It did appear to be a garden of some kind. Even in the moonless night, the outlines of a gnarled path could be seen, twining its way around two large ponds, bordered by a low bench of stone, smoother than the one around the outside. Everything was completely silent, and it made his nose itch. There were no sounds, even of nightly noises, just a leaden, muffled kind of silence.

Next to him Kiba snarled softly. It was an odd sound to hear coming from a human, but somehow didn't seem out of place on the human face of the white wolf.

The path continued on, after passing by the two ponds, to twine around a small looking building, now tilting uneasily like a long abandoned toy. It was covered in dark wood, large pieces peeling away in strips, reminisive of a snake's skin slowly uncurling. Behind the smaller one, was a much larger one, like an old fashion home with a large, long awning all around the porch. It looked unused, as he had known it would be. No one ever came up around here, unless someone dared you to. Or at least that was the normal case…

"Well," Hige said; his voice sounded abrupt in the gloom. He tried again. "Well, I suppose we better go pay a visit."

Kiba gave him a brief smile and nodded.

* * *

It smelled bad in here. Not bad the way you would think either. It was more a _feeling _than a scent but somehow it seemed to hang on the senses, as if _was_ some kind of arcane aromaHe had a brief sprout of wonder what it was like for Kiba, since _he _could actually smell just as well. 

Tsume dismissed the thought readily; it hardly mattered to him. A small part of him berated himself, knowing there was something he was denying but he really didn't want to listen. Beside he didn't have time to listen. Yes, things were happening, there was no denying that, but he had a feeling there had been things he might have wanted but he didn't want anymore. He wasn't _that _Tsume anymore…

His thoughts were interrupted by a light that caught the edge of his vision. The others had seen it as well, a pale strip of grayish light coming from underneath one of the black doors. He had a brief thought that this whole situation was absurd, before Kiba abruptly kicked the door in plunging into the dimly lit room.

There was that brief moment of uncertainly then, hanging on a thin edge of a knife. Go forward, stay, what to do? Feelings you didn't understand, memories you couldn't quite remember, was it worth it too take a chance with something you didn't understand, something you couldn't quite fathom? Though this moment only lasted seconds, afterwards, Tsume had always been able to remember his thoughts very clearly, as if he had spent a reasonable time thinking things through. He never knew what the others had thought, or what they may have been thinking in that brief moment; all that he knew was that they are ended up there, moments behind Kiba.

_It's because of her. It's because of more than _that. _It's because I don't want to lose…_The thoughts flittered through his head. It wasn't paradise – that paradise Kiba had spoken of – it was something else.

The dim light they had seen from under the door came from a weird assortment of blinking boards, all connected with thick black thread. There was no sense to anything; it was all jumbled, a mismatch of shadows and light. Folding in on one another, they twisted all around the large room, as if in sad, pathetic mockery of some semblance of memory that could not be now be properly remembered.

More than anything, the distorted madness of this room, made the black pit in his stomach grow more potent, but with it, at the small time, he felt his limbs go hard as the disturbance turned to an iron determination like steel in his bones. Tsume saw a small, huddled shape in one of the corners, as if in some deep, deep sleep, but another shape, this one at the center of the room, demanded immediate attention.

The black clothed figure had turned to them, eyes as unsettled as before. It was disturbing to see the ordinariness of the man's clothes; black jeans covered in dust and a loose, long sleeved black shirt. If it hadn't looked so dirty, the style may have complimented the man's features, now he merely looked dazed, as if this man, Raphael's brother, was not really in the same world as the rest of them.

When he spoke, his voice held a distant quality to it, and it buzzed in Tsume's ears like the hum of bees.

"You are too late. I already have her, the flower maiden. The gates of paradise will open for me…" The distracted voice trailed off, as if he had forgotten they were even there.

There was a similarity to the two, in the way they looked, now that Tsume had time to notice it, though what the man was saying sounded a bit like nonsense to him. He had never seen Raphael's brother before, didn't even know the guy's name, but there was something distinctly different about them. _This guy just seems pathetic. Dangerous and mad but pathetic somehow. I just didn't like Raphael. _Slightly amused by his thoughts, he nearly missed Kiba's first attack.

The wolf lunged with his whole body jumping onto the man's chest, biting deep into his shoulder. The guy gave a loud howl of pain and brought up an arm to bash Kiba again, like before, but a loud crack followed by the thud of the black man's body hitting the floor. Breathing heavily, Blue was standing behind the crumpled form, holding something thick between her hands. It glistening with a silvery sheen, like a thick belt of metal.

It seemed as if the moment shifted, ready to turn down a multitude of different avenues, a horde of possibilities.

Blue seemed startled by what she had just done, wide eyes staring across at the others. The first one to break the silence was Toboe.

"Is…is that it?"

After all the tension it seemed an odd thing to say, yet accurately true. There had not been much to it.

"He didn't know what he was doing. He thought he knew, but he didn't really remember." Kiba's voice sounded strangely hollow.

"He looked…mad." Blue said shakily.

Again they are looked down at the fallen man's form. He wasn't a threat anymore, but there was still something about him that seemed wrong… Tsume thoughts were cut off, as he remembered the other shape he had seen earlier. _Cheza. No, Emma_. His attention wavered, and he found his eyes trailing back to where they had first rested.

"Shouldn't we…do something about him?" Toboe asked hesitantly.

Kiba gave a brief nod, his seemingly turquoise eyes determined.

He lunged forward, teeth bared, but somehow Hige got there fast enough to drag his arms around the wolf's neck, not strong enough to hold him back, but enough to make Kiba stop.

"Are _you _mad? You can't just kill him."

"He's too dangerous," was the simply reply.

"Yeah, well, this is the twenty-first century." Hige glanced around at the other two, since Tsume didn't seem to be paying attention anymore. "We should probably call the police."

"Or an asylum." Blue muttered dryly, though her voice held little humor.

The white wolf was staring strangely at Hige, as if in question, curiosity or amazement, he couldn't tell.

"Look at this place!" Hige demanded. "Just look at it, Kiba. This isn't some, some, some _noble's_," he wasn't sure where the word came from, but it sounded right, "lab, it's a rat nest of thrown out computer pieces, some mad guy's idea of genius. There's nothing here. Nothing really anyway." His voice had lowered, eyebrow pulled tight across his brow. "Whoever this guy might have been, he's not that anymore. None of us are."

An accommodating noise from Tsume seconded his words. He was mildly surprised to find himself supported by the silver-haired man. The other two nodded in agreement, Blue more vigorously than her cousin.

Stunned, the white wolf stared at them, brief, minimal changes stampeding in his eyes. Confusion, shock, thoughtfulness, and a thousand other feelings, all of them shuddering for a moment in a heightened, tightly walled ball. Then it burst, and Kiba seemed to reach a decision.

"All right." Though he said nothing else there was a kind of surrender in his words. Not a surrender of giving up, but of acceptance. For some strange reason, Hige found himself grinning.

"Cool. Now we've just to find Cheza."

"She's over here," came Tsume's voice, from where he crouched in one of the corners. "It looks like she's sleeping…"

* * *

Panic. Uncontrollable fear. It was mounting, growing like a reckless weed, a dark sprout of primeval terror. Her insides seemed to be shaking, terrified, fearful, and panicked beyond anything she had ever known. Deep rooted in her consciousness, she had never known a fear like this. The kind that ate away at her, tiny gnawing bites one after another, tearing her apart. Any kind of self-confidence she might have had, any kind of self-worth she may have felt, or any kind of self-achievement she felt she reached did not matter. They were merely being eaten away. 

It was this fear. It was doing this to do. In her darkness, Cheza felt a dull pain on her lip. Lip. _I'm biting my lip, _a small part of her mind murmured. That meant the rest of her was still there, she still had a body. There must be more than just this fear. Her eyes were merely closed. All she had to do was open them.

_No, no, I can't. I'm not like that…I'm just…I'm ordinary. I'm not a flower. I'm not! _

Through the hazy words came images as well, distorted perhaps in her dark fear. A half smiling face, a little uncertain but honest, hovering beneath a set of vibrant blue eyes; a dark protection so different than this black fear eating away at her. A true smile, bright and kind and simply blazing out to the world, a happy heart-felt warmth; tarnished hair and hazel eyes, a red light, so soft compared to the blackness all around. A smirking grin with grayish eyes and shaggy hair, a golden smile; a free spirit, dark as well but glowing like the sun, the opposite of this blackness. A sudden image, crystal clear of golden eyes, a predator gaze and a white face, white fur. A white wolf running, running to her.

A part of her stretched out to reach for it, for _him _but another image melted its way into her closed eyes.

Close cropped hair, a silver shade with intense eyes, a golden shade so different than the white wolf's…a charming mouth and sharply defined chin, every detail so delicate, so close in her mind's eyes she felt she could almost touch the image, touch him. The image seemed to burn into her, despite the black terror, or maybe in resistance to it, burning with a silver-green outline and a gentle feeling of safety. With it she heard words tumbling down to her through the terrifying panic.

_You're Amelia Starr. Just be who you are._

A kind of memory came hurdling back to her, and in her drowning darkness, Cheza, no, _Amelia _fought against the growing black seed inside her. She didn't know where it came from, she didn't know that she could even overcome it, but she was who she was and Emma knew that she was not the kind of person to give up so easily. Let them find out what kind of strength she did have.

So few people had ever seen it, seen the strength she had always carried in her heart. Raphael had seen it, Blue had too, Hige had seen glimmers of it, and Toboe had understood it. But Tsume knew. It was strange, all the names coming back to her, but so differently than before.

Tsume knew. He knew what it was like to have a strong spirit, but to be broken down, torn by life until the scars became ever so heavy. There were scars in her heart, deep ones she hadn't even known she had. But she would fight against them, the same way she knew Tsume…_Jonathan…_would.

And strangely in the darkness, the black terror, it was enough. There was no need for paradise because she had already had it. She already had the strength to give it to them. She had the words inside her to show it them. She didn't have to bloom, or became anything more than what she was. All she had to be was herself and believe.

* * *

"Em! Emma!"

There was someone calling her name. The voice was so urgent, shaking her slightly. With a foggy realization, she abruptly became aware of her body, which was what was being shaken. She tightened her eyes, feeling her body in all its detail and security. Emma's legs lay against a cold surface, almost like stone while her back was softly propped up, and she felt her face held against something warm. A thick scent was in her nose, the thick scent of leather. At the thought a memory floated up to the surface, the earlier darkness and she opened her eyes.

"Tsume."

He was holding her gingerly but protectively, as if torn between his feelings and his instincts. Her heart went out to him, wanting to tell him everything she realized, let him know it was all right.

"Jonathan."

She reached out to him placing her hand gently on his chest.

Stunned, his golden eyes could only stare down at her.

"It's all right, Jonathan." And then she smiled at him, to show him she was all right. A small smile that seemed to melt something inside him as she saw his hardened eyes waver then give in as Jonathan pulled her to him, hugging her tightly to his chest.

"Oh, Em, you idiot."

Smiling, she snuggled into him, ignorant of anything else.

A warm weight against her lower back, the part beneath Tsume's encircling arm, made her turn around. With his arms loosely around her, she found herself facing a pair of wild golden eyes surrounded by white fur. It looked so much whiter than before. _He isn't putting up his illusion_ was the only thought she had, as she drew her face into his fur, hugging him tightly.

_Kiba. _

There was no denying the feeling she had for him. It was too deep, like breathing, a part of her she couldn't really understand. But there were other parts as well, parts that Jonathan was closer to now. But that didn't change how she felt. In a way, it was strange to think that she loved the white wolf the way she did, but as herself, as Emma Starr, not as Cheza. Kiba was what she wanted in her life, but he wasn't the only one she had.

Raising her head, she saw the other three, Hige grinning as usual, Blue looking like she had tears in her eyes and Toboe who had crouched beside Kiba, watching her with concern.

"Hello all," she said weakly. "This one is fine." Scrunching up an eye at her phrasing she amended, "That is, _I'm _fine."

She saw Blue bite her lip, then joined the others on the floor.

"You're all right then." The blue-eyed girl's voice quivered.

Emma nodded, then released her hold on Kiba and hugged Blue instead. _Poor Blue, this has been such a strain on her. _For a moment Blue seemed unsure of what to do, then she rested her head in Emma's lap, as the other girl petted her hair. As she did that she felt something bump up against her shoulder. Toboe was leaning on her, chin resting against her shoulder. His eyes were closed.

Hige knelt down as well, on Kiba's other side, but he was too faraway for her to pet him. Not that she would have been able to, she realized after a moment. Tsume was still holding her hand, tightly in his own.

Emma lifted her eyes a moment and met Kiba's gaze. He knew. She knew he did. This was a kind of paradise already. They had already found paradise.

_The End_

* * *

And that's it. Originally I was going to see if anyone wanted me to write more, since there's a lot of other stuff, about their regular lives, their families, et. al, but I don't know if I will anymore. Hehe. I hoped the few that liked it enjoyed it. If anyone's interested, I could put up a little thing about everyone's proper name, age, and location (where they live). 


End file.
